Oh, Ye Cruel Amethyst Plasticine Gods above! In a year full of wacky political campaigns this category just screams out “potential!”
Now, the Nominating Committee wasn’t interested in the typical collection of paid-to-blog courtesans that whore themselves as part of their quotidian life’s work: creeps like Dan Chomolungma and Matthew J. Cunningham. Oh, no no no!
This category embraces the brief shooting stars who, in their trajectories across the local political firmament, burn with an incandescent glow before vanishing into the irrelevance of lifelong mundane hackery. And by burn with an incandescent glow, I mean make utter jackasses out of themselves shamelessly bending over for cretinous political bosses. Here we find political ambition, lack of character, stupidity, and brainless tenacity sticking with people or ideals that weren’t worth sticking up for.
Motivation is not the sole factor in the category; comic spectacle is what we’re after, too.
And your nominees are:
1. Thomas Anthony Gordon. This econo-size chowderhead popped up on a local blog attacking Shawn Nelson for being a defense lawyer and therefore soft on crime. Which was funny because Gordo had had his own brushes with the law!
Since this goon lives in Santa Ana it wasn’t hard to surmise that he was working for somebody who had an interest in the 4th District campaign. At first we thought he was working for John Lewis and the Tom Daly Team. Well, maybe he was. But then he appeared as a petition circulator for Hairball Sidhu and we then knew whose payroll he was on.
Gordon even played victim card wackily claiming to have been intimidated by us for outing his tooling for Sidhu.
After we busted him for making anonymous comments on our blog he mercifully vanished from our radar screen.
2. Little Billy Turner. ‘Lil Billy popped up last February at a Fullerton Tea Party event passing out fliers for Hairbag Sidhu. Unfortunately he ran into Chris Thompson to whom he admitted that Sidhu was going to lose and noted that he had tried to get in touch with Shawn Nelson. Not knowing that his attempted double-cross in search of a winning candidate would end up as blog fodder he passed along his name and address to Thompson.
We had some more fun with Billy over at Sidhu’s empty campaign headquarters, too.
Later, we were told that Little Billy had been ensconced in Sidhu Fake Address #2 so that it would appear lived in. And we were informed that Little Billy had also turned into a sign thief. That sure seems in character.
It didn’t seem to have occurred to Little Billy that getting an honest job in one of Sidhu’s Pollo Locos would be more honorable than working for such a creep’s bogus scampaigns; but then given his own propensity for double-dealing, maybe part-time jobs in politics is the only kind of work he will ever have, or ever want. There will always be ‘pugs looking for cheap labor so Billy may find employment once every couple of years.
Oh, well. If working for Sidhu doesn’t scare you straight, nothing can.
3. 4SD Observer. This sad Grendel-like creature emerged in 2010 to defend the indefensible – the serial miscreance of Pam Keller. 4SD withstood a systematic dismembering from the regs, continually coming back for more. There was no hypocritical, stupid, lying, featherheaded thing that her Pam could say or do that could cause this devoted acolyte to cease soldiering on.
Hilariously, the series of quotations from The Manchurian Candidate by some of our Friends went zipping right over his/her head, every time. An irrational love for budget-busting public safety union members, hatred for Supervisor Shawn Nelson and a weird fixation on cooking harmless bunny rabbits sealed the deal.
In short, 4SD Observer was the quintessential intellectual face of the Keller years: sanctimonious, humorless, and confused; but mostly just brainwashed.
