From “OC Hawk.” Offered without commentary.
You humans always slayed me with your strange priorities and need to celebrate something. Me? When I was on Earth all I wanted was two squares and no broomstick.
Your Tommy Lasorda Day has come and gone. The ovations and fanfare are over. But lest you move on to other business please pause to reflect on the occasion.
My human Friends have learned that your former Mayor-for-hire, and the best bestie of my former mistress, Jennifer Fitzgerald, is jumping ship from the Fullerton boat of which she spent years drilling holes in the bottom. But before she skips town she has planned at least one last scam to separate the gullible bipeds from their dough. This borders on some sort of abuse, and believe you me, I know a lot about abuse!
Can you please repeat that? Hard to believe any of you humans would pay a hydrant pee to listen to Fitzgerald opine on any subject, but this topic is so funny that it’s even funny up here in doggie heaven.
What qualities make a good city manager? Well, let’s ask.
How about refusing to reform a criminal enterprise known as the FPD?
How about letting millions of gallons of expensive MWD water leak out of Laguna Lake with zero accountability?
How about years of unbalanced budgets leading to the brink of fiscal disaster?
How about serial neglect of the city fragile infrastructure?
How about getting drunk and running over a tree, and then trying to drive off?
How about covering up a Parks N’ Rec vehicle crash?
How about turning a blind eye to serial code violations?
How about continuing to foster the myth that downtown Fullerton is some sort of financial asset?
How about turning a blind eye to forgery of official city documents?
How about stonewalling on required release of public documents?
How about wasting hundreds of thousands of dollars on crony “consultants”?
How about mismanaging construction projects as simple as wooden stairs and elevator additions?
How about enabling vanity projects like unused ceremonial bridges and dry duck ponds?
How about wasting a million dollars in state money on an idiotic and unpopular Specific Plan?
How about acceding to the demands of regional agencies for housing demands?
How about developing an entire Specific Plan behind everybody’s back – except the housing bureaucrats and do-gooders?
Arf! That’s only some of the stuff I can remember happening under the watch of Fitzgerald’s two city managers – the drunken stumblebum, Joe Felz, and the equally incompetent, likely sober, Ken Domer, neither of whom could run a dog kennel, as well I know.
For Jennifer Fitzgerald the only skill that mattered from a city manager was to accommodate her desires, desires that often as not ended up costing the citizens and taxpayers of Fullerton one way or another. She was a “master” all right. A master of manipulating a feeble system of political hacks and corruptible bureaucrats.
Hopefully some female human attending this gathering will be smart enough to ask some of the specifics of Fullerton’s city management disasters, but I doubt it.
There is an old axiom among you humans that birds of similar plumage tend to congregate. It seems to have a strong element of truth.
Here is a disturbing image of former Fullerton councilwoman Pame Keller, beneficiary of the scam called “Fullerton Collaborative,” posing with Paulette Marshall – confessed thief, perjurer, and shameless campaign laws violator.
Please provide a caption.
P.S. My inebriated former mistress used to walk me by the Chaffee place everyday and encouraged me to relieve my bowels in their driveway. Was that so very wrong?
I don’t know about you humans, but I always find it amusing when a politician tries to look good on campaign material, but ends up really looking funny.
My former neighbor, Paulette Marshall is pretending to be a school teacher to run for County School Board. Actually she was just a typical bad local lawyer for years. In 2018 she created a phony address to run for your city council and then got busted, prosecuted, and eventually pleaded guilty to trespassing and theft charges. You would think that would be an instant disqualifier for future elective office, but in a county where her senile and crime abetting husband Doug “Bud” Chaffee can get elected County Supervisor, anything is possible if you blow enough of your kid’s inheritance. Of course spending dough doesn’t equate to success.
Here’s a piece Mrs. Chaffee sent out. Humans with opposable thumbs cropped it to get rid of the stupid, misleading verbiage.
I couldn’t think of what this reminded me of at first. Then I did”
I knew trouble was brewing when I saw this picture. My former mistress and her drinking buddies. Normally when the drinking began I would crawl under the sofa.
Well, what the hell. You humans provide the caption. I mean really, what can I, a poor dead dog add to this?
UPDATE: BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND #4!
We have had a lot of fun on this site making fun of City Councilman Dick Jones and his clockwork-regular gaffes and buffooneries. But, when you’re right, you’re right. We teased him for his creation of what we thought was a purely imaginary place: Kharakhastan, and we had some fun at his expense. Well, aren’t we embarrassed! It turns out there really is such a place!
A little research by our International Geography and Socio-Ethnography Department uncovered the following information:
Kharakhastan is a small ethnic enclave located within the Republic of Kazakhstan (former Soviet SSR) that comprises 135,000 square kilometers with a population of approximately 211,000 (2006 census).
The geography consists of arid upland steppe ascending to sub-alpine terrain and ultimately to high peaks. The highest point is Krysighi Peak (formerly known as Mt. Stalin’s Birthday and later Worker’s Peak), at 5439 meters high. The main industry in Kharakhastan is animal husbandry including sheep and tapirs, although a burgeoning Asian market for an aphrodisiac distilled from beaver gonads has spawned a nascent beaver ranching business in the many small tributaries that descend Krysighi Peak.
The principal city in the Kharakhastan region is Pilgur, documented by the Venetian Marco Polo, and known for its splendid 16th Century mosque.
When Kazakhstan broke away from the former Soviet Union in 1991, Kharakastan declared its own independence as a sovereign republic, an independence that lasted a mere four days and was crushed by Kazakh leader Nursultan Nazarbayev, who arrested Kharakh politcal headmen and outlawed the Kharakhastani People’s Liberation Party (LPKI).
Kharakhastan has never been recognized by the internatonal community, although former American President Bill Clinton toured the area in 2006 on a visit to Kazakhstan. The Reformed Kharakhastani People’s Liberation Party (LPKID) currently holds 3 seats in the Khazakh legislature.
Well, there you have it. Kharakhastan. Who knew? And to Dick Jones, our profound apologies!
Today Jennifer Fitzgerald announced her resignation from the Fullerton Council, effective immediately.
“I can no longer even pretend to fulfill all the oaths I swore when I became a councilperson,” said Fitzgerald. “All the developer shakedowns, all the lies, all the influence peddling – I just can’t keep track of it all anymore. Balanced budgets, commitment to roads, honest cops – people want so much and I am so tired. I’m going to spend time with my family,” she stuttered weepily. “The evil has been backing up so much I feel I may burst.”
Mayor Jesus Silva responded to the announcement by saying ” I guess I’ll miss her helping me out at meetings when I started babbling like a boracho pendejo, but it will sure will be nice to have only one woman telling me what to do.”
Recently appointed Councilwoman Jan Flory had kind words for her colleague. “I’m going to miss Jen’ on council. To my lights she was the heart of the city and represents the very best commitment to service. We accomplished all sorts of things together – good roads, a successful downtown bar scene, an accountable police department, an unmatched string of balanced budges, effective and successful public works projects – you name it. She’s the reason Fullerton is where it is today.
Recently elected councilperson Ahmad Zahra was quick to praise Fitzgerald. “I thought at first she might be, you know, difficult to work with after she called out my long-winded moral posturing on the council appointment deal. But, later, when the chips were down, and she was willing to screw Whitaker just for the fun of it, I was so happy to make the deal to be on the water board. It was a very successful transaction.”
The council will now have to decide whether to replace Fitzgerald by appointment or by special election. According to the City Attorney a special election in November could cost eighty trillion dollars, which might come close to unbalancing the City’s budget according to City Manager Ken Domer.
Fullerton humans – his niece accused someone in this photo of mailing a lewd scroto-selfie to her.
Try to find the winner.