Just a Lie. Or Two. Or Three. Or…

I grew my business in Fullerton! Well maybe it was carrots in the back yard. I know I grew something!
I grew my business in Fullerton! Well maybe it was carrots in the back yard. I seem to remember growing something in Fullerton!

We’ve already documented that Linda Ackerwoman is not, never has been (and probably never will be a “businesswoman”). And yet, here is her ballot designation:

I know, let's start our campaign off with two lies!
I know, let's start our campaign off with two lies!

Okay, the businesswoman thing is a bald-faced lie. Being a “consultant” to your husband’s political campaign is a great way to shift campaign contributions into your own pockets, but it hardly constitutes a business. Which leads to the second lie: “independent.” She is most certainly not independent. She has apparently never worked for anybody but her husband as a fund-raiser. That means she’s tied at the hip to all those lobbyists who put that $76,000 in her pocket. Not to mention all those lobbyists that facilitated the Hawaiian vacations – who laundered dough through a laughably named “Pacific Policy Research Foundation.” She’s about as independent as a barnacle stuck to the bottom of a boat.

It really makes you wonder about those people who have endorsed Ackerwoman, knowing that she’s about as much of a businesswoman as Daisy Duck.

Being a two dimensional cartoon is hard work!
Being a two dimensional cartoon is hard job. But is it a business?

Oh, that’s right! Those endorsers are also well aware that she doesn’t live in the district either. That tells you what kind of people they are. And come to think of it, that makes three lies!

FFFF Surveillance Team Snags Another Ackerman Call

Thye're back!
Yup. They're back!

Well they have done it again. Or at least they told us they did. Our crack Undercover Surveillance Unit has sent in a transcript of another intercepted Dick Ackerman phone conversation, this time with an unidentified male communicant. We are not sure exacly what to make of this transcript and we are cognizant that the surveillance team had just been issued its monthy medicinal marijuana supply. So we simply pass the transcript along to the Friends, who would be damn fools to believe it.

Heh heh. Remember the ferrets?
Heh heh. Remember the steamroom?

(Phone ringing)

Unidentified Male Communicant: Yes, hello.

Dick Ackerman: Tomski, Dick Ackerman here. (two quick grunts followed by a snort)

UMC: The Dickster! (unintelligible guttural sound)

DA: Booga, Booga!

UMC: Alpha Kappa

DA: Alpha Kappa Chi!

UMC: Grab some titties,

DA: Shoot some beaver,

UMC: I Eta Pi! (three or four grunts in quick succession) Heh. Heh heh.

DA: (Several snorting sounds and a distinct throat clearing) Heh heh heh.

UMC: What’s up Dickie-boy?

DA: (a grunt) Got some trouble up north with a punk reporter and a coupla pissant bloggers. Got a girl in trouble.

UMC: The Dickster! Oh yeah! Still got it! (two deep grunts). Heh heh.

DA: Not like that you idiot. More Duvall shit. God I wished I’d never talked that asshole into running. (a low, long rumbling sound)

Unidentified Female Voice In Background: She’s works so hard!

UMC: Uhhhmm…what do you want me to do?

DA: A coupla letters, heh heh. Pin some ears back, heh, heh, heh. The usual.

UMC: (a long rumbling throaty noise). Ahhh. Look Dickie-boy the suits back east are getting a little hung up on all this pro bono stuff. So…

DA: (a quick snarl) No, you look Tomski. We go back a long way. Remember the trouble with that senorita in Vallejo? And that little side deal during the Swindell merger? And the steam room. Remember the steam room, Tomski?

UMC: That was thirty-five years ago!

DA: Thirty-seven. But what’s a coupla years between old friends?

UMC: Ughhh.Ughhhh. Well…ughhh…

DA: Good. So we can count you in. Knew we could. I’ll fax over the dope. Get on it! (a grunt)

UMC: Yeah, well okay. See what we can do.

UFVIB: Dick, that white van’s back behind croquet court wall!

DA: (a string of nasal ejaculations followed by a quick barking sound) Okay, Tomski, gotta go. See you at the club on Friday!

UMC: (a grunting sound) Yeah. Okay. You owe me a drink!

(at this point the communication was ended)

Coming soon to your neighborhood...
Coming soon to your neighborhood...

God-awful “Fox Village” Gets Even Worse!


Remember those horror movies when the outraged villagers grabbed their pitchforks to have at the monster? What the “Fox Village” monster could use are a few more angry villagers.

At the City Council “workshop” on Tuesday the new plans for the existing city-created empty space behind the Fox Theater were rolled out. And while the reception by the public wasn’t pretty it wasn’t enough to kill off the monster, either.

What was rolled out were several elevations that raised the curtain on a hideously confused jumble of themes and materials that were supposed to be modernish, but that had that certain flavor of architectural renderings done by crazy people.

Egad. What a freaking mess...
Egad. What a freaking mess...

A hodgepodge of shapes and veneers with no apparent cohesion and not a whiff of aesthetic originality. Stone veneer on the first floor obligatory.

Oy Vey!
Oy Vey!

Have Fox Villagers gone insane? What a mish mash!

Say what?
Say what?

Why are they still trying to move McDonald’s? Didn’t the Council put that idea to rest? And yet here it is again! Can anyone say “insubordination”? Guess not – in Fullerton! And look a parking lot on the corner. Just what downtown needs – another permanent hole in the building fabric of downtown Fullerton.

Send in the clowns...
Send in the clowns...

Ah, the inevitable “pedestrian paseo.” Just lookit all the happy, bedazzled consumers. And that fountain! Precious. Makes you want to make a wish and toss three coins in.

Folks if you aren’t ready to go grab your pitchforks by now, we suggest that we stick a fork in you –  because we think you’re done.

Mike Carona’s Not Cheap Lawyers Threaten FFFF!

Your honor, I'd like to abridge the First Amendment!
Your honor, I'd like to abridge the First Amendment! By the way, are you going to finish the rest of that soda?

Last night we received an e-mailed letter from Jones Day, the same lawyers that miraculously worked on convicted criminal ex-Sheriff Mike Carona’s defense for free.

The letter demands that we remove the post we published about KCAL’s Dave Lopez pursuing a story concerning a former Mike Duvall associate at Linda Ackerman’s October 20th fundraiser at the Summit Inn.

Our post was about an event that occurred within Fullerton, our city. It’s on film. Thousands of people have seen it on television. It indisputably happened. It was of particular interest to us since Mr. Lopez also interviewed us at our protest at the site of the fundraiser; this fact was clearly related in the very first sentence of the post.

The post made it very clear that the behavior ascribed to the individual in question was merely alleged. We did not claim that it was true, since we did not know. Therefore Jones Day’s second demand – that we publish a retraction averring the falsity of the allegations – is a logical absurdity since we have no way of knowing that the allegations are false, either. We presume credible allegations were actually made since this story was aired by a reputable news operation.

But we will say this: the subject in question and her lawyers categorically deny the allegations reported by KCALs Dave Lopez.

This appears to be nothing more than a little intimidation orchestrated by Ackerman, Inc. itself, to keep people in Fullerton from knowing things that happen in Fullerton – much like the rest of  phony “Ackerman for Assembly” campaign. Is it merely a coincidence that the guy whose name on the Jones Day correspondence is an Irvine lawyer who just happens to have been at The Hastings School of the Law at the same time as Ackerman? Hmm.

We have caused nobody “serious and irreparable harm;” we have defamed nobody. If KCAL determines that this story has no basis and no merit then we will be happy to relate that, at the appropriate time.

Click to enlarge

New Parking Structure Approved. More Brick Veneer in Our Future

On Tuesday our City Council took up the matter of the proposed parking structure on Santa Fe. Since we first reported on this issue City Staff has maintained its ludicrous attachment to the brick veneer panels, and its equally ludicrous position that fake brick somehow satisfies some sort of CEQA requirement – even though WE HAVE COMPLETELY DEMOLISHED THE MYTH OF BRICK AND REALITY OF BRICK VENEER IN DOWNTOWN FULLERTON.

Such a lame approach insults not only our aesthetic sensibilities, but it also turns the whole environmental review process into a pantomime that just provides staff cover for what it really wants: fake brick.


pk with no brick

Barney Wewak Weighs In

Papuan Headman Barney Wewak shares FFFF with tribe
Barney Wewak shares FFFF news with family and friends

Editor’s Note: we have received the following e-mail from former Troy High School Exchange student, and Papuan Highlands tribe Headman, B’rni (Barney) Wewak. Our newly reorganized Australo/Oceania Linguistics Department provides the translation from the original Papuan Sepik dialect, below:


Greetings Friends who dwell in the beneficent sunshine and balmy temperatures of my once adopted home; where the luscious flesh of the avocado and the generous disposition of your women make me long for reunion. Tidings have reached me that one of your headmen has been disgraced (it could only have been through extreme cowardice in battle, or failure to meet his taro quota), has been exiled, and is being replaced by your odd and barbaric custom of “election.” 

Furthermore, I understand that among the new candidates for headman is a member from a tribe located on the idolatrous shores of Fashion Island who is trying to pass as one of your own! Moreover, that this interloper is bribing tribe members with promises of bright feathers and glass beads!

Glass beads and cockatoo feathers for all. Plus a gift card good at Fashion Island!
Glass beads and cockatoo feathers for all. Plus a gift card good at Fashion Island!

Friends, how can this possibly be? Strange and sad news! That the people of my beloved Fullerton could  entertain such perverse behavior from an outsider is certainly an omen of terrible times of trouble ahead.

And so I must exhort and plead with all the earnestness at my command to reject this alien influence in your midst before you become enslaved in the strange and perverse ways of these outsiders.

And so, Friends, farewell. May your benevolent deities continue to bless you with ample mangoes and confused enemies; and may the tree bark grubs fall easily into your banana leaves.

B’rni (Barney) Wewak

Troy HS ’75

Party Tonight For Ackerwoman; Thrown by – Ackerman

A party for me? You shouldn't have!
A party in honor of me? You shouldn't have. Really. You shouldn't have!

The Ackerman is hosting a reception to night “in honor of” the Ackerwoman, at the Summit House restaurant. Huh? Why?

It’s obviously related to the 72nd Assembly district campaign since the party is being held in Fullerton, instead of Irvine, which is where the Ackermans live.  Maybe it’s really a fundraiser. Our invitation didn’t say.

This is an obvious South County political foray into Fullerton, and we don’t like it. So let’s get our act together and protest this carpetbagging Irvine political socialiteand send her and her pals back to South County!

Show up tonight (5:30) at the Summit House Restaurant at the SW corner of Bastanchury Rd. and State College to fight political carpetbagging in North Orange County. We’ll bring the signs!  Let’s make this a “reception” she won’t forget!

OC GOP says “No more RINOS”; Could Ackerwoman, Bankhead & Jones Be Out of Business?

Allan Bartlett
Allan Bartlett

Our friend Allan Bartlet over at Red County reported that the GOP’s Chairman Scott Baugh gave a “fiery speech” last night indicating “that it is not going to be business as usual anymore for the OC GOP Party………no longer will incumbent Republicans be given safe quarter for their re-election if they have strayed to far off the reservation………..made it clear that he is not looking for ideological purity per se, but Republicans in the mold of Arnold Schwarzenegger, John McCain & George W Bush for example are not going to be allowed to ruin the party’s economic and fiscal credibility anymore…..Clearly this is an unsustainable path we are on and our elected GOP leaders in DC and Sacramento have been part of the problem.  So tonight he announced a contract with the OC GOP voters. It’s not going to be good enough just to have an “R” by your name if you are a candidate or elected official.  The “R” has got to mean something.”

Did I really say that?
Did I really say that?

Hmm. Let’s reflect on this for a moment. Okay. Baugh throws the Central Committee some red meat. Hooray! But don’t forget that the Central Committee is chock full of Repuglicans led by Ackerman and Ackerwoman; and Baugh is surely the biggest ‘Pug between San Onofre and the 605. When push comes to shove Baugh, Inc. will go with whichever candidate is the best ‘Pug team player, i.e. the one that is most ambitious (but not too ambitious, right, Ed?) and most likely to perform years of  kickoff team duty – there’s only one QB, right, Dick?

It would be awfully strange for an organization made up of so many very selfish and self-interested politicos to all of a sudden change its stripes. Good grief, look at Fullerton: Sa, Godfrey, Jones, Clesceri, Munson (the one that didn’t win) Wison – RINOs all; and all backed by the GOP establishment – again, and again.

So for now we are well justified in assuming that Baugh is just blowing smoke up the Central Committee’s nether portal. And you what? A lot of them appear to like it.

Martin Wisckol Caught Pimping for Linda Ackerman – Again.

will regurgitate for food
will regurgitate for food

Maybe the Register’s Martin Wisckol is worried about the impending collapse of his employer and is thinking about future work writing press releases for Dick and Linda Ackerman. Looks like he has already started.

Last Wednesday Wisckol tossed up this powder puff blog post addressing the issue of Linda Ackerman’s “experienced businesswoman” self-applied label. Exercising all the journalistic curiosity of a sea cucumber he coughed up this pearl:

I asked her last week what her business was. She responded that she was on the Board of Directors of the USCB collection management company, a director on the Metropolitan Water District of Southern California, was finance director of the Marian Bergeson Series, and was executive director of the state Capital of California Preservation Fund (I haven’t been able to find a Web site for that).

Good enough. Sounds like business stuff to me.




God, I can't believe he bought that. Dick we gotta put that nice boy on the payroll...
God, I can't believe he bought that. Dick we gotta put that nice boy on the payroll...



Sorry Martin, but it’s not “good enough” just because she said so. To pass along this tripe suggests that you are either stupid, lazy, or are shilling for Ackerman, Inc. Since we assume the Register doesn’t knowingly employ overtly stupid people, the options are narrowed.

We’ll help out by citing our post that pretty effectively dispatches the Ackerman “experienced businesswoman” fable.

Let’s recap. Linda’s on the board of a collection agency, USCB; a job she got by virtue of her husband’s influence and that meets three or four times a year?  That may provide a little extra pocket money, but it hardly constitutes what a reasonable person would call business experience.

She’s on the executive committee of the Marian Bergeson blah blah blah. A training ground for female GOP politicians. Another part-time gig base on her political connections. In any case her self proclaimed responsibility (from her own website) is “finance development” not “finance director”, ya chowder head. Development means calling up lobbyists and asking them for money. You know, Martin. The same lobbyists who lobbied her husband.

Likewise she got an appointment to the Board of the MWD – a political, not a professional appointment, Marty. Do you really think she would have gotten that without her husband’s name. So she goes to a government agency meeting once a month to be told how to vote. No business experience there, either.

A committee to restore the historic working spaces of the Capitol. WTF? Are you kidding, Martin? That sounds like business to you? To us that sounds like the bored wife of a legislator or a socialite, or both. There’s probably a real good reason there’s no website.

Well, Martin, we have just covered the sum and substance of Linda Ackerman’s “business” experience over her 45 years of adulthood. And here it is, again: 

  • No real experience in the private sector
  • Never owned or operated a business
  • Never employed anybody
  • Never signed the front of a paycheck.

In fact, Linda Ackerman’s only real experience is raising money from lobbyists, for this or that personal Ackerman benefit, mostly her husband’s campaigns. And for that she was amply recompensed for her part time work. Come to think of it, we’re now pretty sure the woman has never even held a real job of any kind. 

So come on Martin, how about  a little real work yourself. Quit passing along Ackerman campaign mush gussied up as the truth. Why not try to do something honorable before you get the axe?

The Repuglican Culture of Power & Profit

Unenforceable laws were made to be broken
If it isn't illegal, it can't be wrong...Dick told me to say that.

Over at his Repuglican PR firm, er, Red County blog, our old playmate Matthew Cunningham has taken great offense at the good post “Rogue Elephant” wrote on the Orange Juice blog the other day, and that we generously shared with the Friends, here.

Why is he offended by Rogue Elephant’s post and our take on it? Because the post pointed out that former State Senator Jim Brulte gave Linda Ackerman $3900 out of his bogus BoE in 2014(!) campaign committee. We pointed out that her husband’s equally bogus BoE 2010 (created in 2006!) committee also gave her the same amount. We noted that these committees were basically money pots that politicians could use to finance their maintenance of power and influence. In other words a scam – create a committee for a fake political campaign and then use it as an influence buying cash cow.

Cunningham got his knickers in a real wad and noted that FFFF is a political committee, too, and that there is no difference between us and the donors to Ackerman. See, it’s all about free speech. Shame on us.

What a howler.

Just say something. Anything.
Just say something. Anything. And keep saying it.

It seems to have escaped Cunningham’s notice that we are not politicians; we don’t raise funds under the guise of a phony run for office. We aren’t pretending to run for anything as a way to hang on to money raised for other offices. We don’t redistribute money as a way to influence elections and buy friends. Our purpose is to to promote causes and candidates we feel are worthy, but we’re not in it to amass wealth, or to keep control of wealth courtesy of people who contributed for other purposes. Too bad none of that can be said about Brulte or Ackerman.

Repuglicans have gotten into the nasty habit of using the “free speech” complaint as an argument to support any kind of deceit practiced in the pursuit of power.  But at the core the issue isn’t about free speech – it’s about a fundamentally dishonest way of maintaining influence in Sacramento. Of course the crooks and their hangers-on can’t admit it. If it ain’t illegal it ain’t wrong. Plus the Democrats do it too!

What a culture.