FFFF Classic – Apologies to Dick Jones; Welcome to Kharakhastan!

UPDATE: BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND #4! 

We have had a lot of fun on this site making fun of City Councilman Dick Jones and his clockwork-regular gaffes and buffooneries. But, when you’re right, you’re right. We teased him for his creation of what we thought was a purely imaginary place: Kharakhastan, and we had some fun at his expense. Well, aren’t we embarrassed! It turns out there really is such a place!

A little research by our International Geography and Socio-Ethnography Department uncovered the following information:

Kharakhastan is a small ethnic enclave located within the Republic of Kazakhstan (former Soviet SSR) that comprises 135,000 square kilometers with a population of approximately 211,000 (2006 census).

Kharakh wrestlers await competition at local festival
Kharakh wrestlers await competition at local festival

The geography consists of arid upland steppe ascending to sub-alpine terrain and ultimately to high peaks. The highest point is Krysighi Peak (formerly known as Mt. Stalin’s Birthday and later Worker’s Peak), at 5439 meters high. The main industry in Kharakhastan is animal husbandry including sheep and tapirs, although a burgeoning Asian market for an aphrodisiac distilled from beaver gonads has spawned a nascent beaver ranching business in the many small tributaries that descend Krysighi Peak.

A typical Kharakh family
A typical Kharakh family

The principal city in the Kharakhastan region is Pilgur, documented by the Venetian Marco Polo, and known for its splendid 16th Century mosque.

PilgurMosque

When Kazakhstan broke away from the former Soviet Union in 1991, Kharakastan declared its own independence as a sovereign republic, an independence that lasted a mere four days and was crushed by Kazakh leader Nursultan Nazarbayev, who arrested Kharakh politcal headmen and outlawed the Kharakhastani People’s Liberation Party (LPKI).

Kharakhastan has never been recognized by the internatonal community, although former American President Bill Clinton toured the area in 2006 on a visit to Kazakhstan. The Reformed Kharakhastani People’s Liberation Party (LPKID) currently holds 3 seats in the Khazakh legislature.

Well, there you have it. Kharakhastan. Who knew? And to Dick Jones, our profound apologies!

Dick Jones Friends Around the World

61 thoughts on “FFFF Classic – Apologies to Dick Jones; Welcome to Kharakhastan!

  1. I am laughing so hard that tears are about to run down my face. This really is the funniest blog post I’ve read in ages, especially the part about beaver gonads.

  2. And so we see that Dr. Jones really did know what he was talking about. I have more confidence in his wisdom and leadership than ever.

    Look forward!

  3. Count it as a GOTCHA for Jones. He’s more geographically literate than you thought. Next time check your facts first!

    1. Hey Mike, we apologized, didn’t we? We had absolutely no idea how geographically literate he is. And now we know!

    2. Say, Mike you’re not a Navy guy are you? If so, I sure hope they don’t let you near explosives or jet fuel.

      Semper fi!

    3. Oh, I get it! You’re Mike who lives on the street “Miramar.” Sorry, I thought maybe you lived on the Naval Air Base. So the liklihood of you getting near explosives or jet fuel is pretty remote.

      But do avoid open flames and sharp objects.

    4. Mike,

      I’m a merciful guy, so let me lay this out for you. Go to the Wikipedia page and click “history.” Get it?

      in the meantime, avoid from sharp objects and spend a little more time with an atlas.

  4. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.”

    –Michael Scott, The Office

  5. Greetings. I am pleased to be the Director of Kharakhastani Region Tourism and Trade Council and I would like to thank American bloggers for recognizing our beautiful area. We welcome all tourists to visit our beautiful area and see our native peoples and traditional culture.

    September is the month when our tapir herdsmen gather their animals from summer pasture on the slopes of Krysighi Peak. We welcome all to stay with us for this customary event.

    Air transportation is easily avalable from Istanbul by way of Tashkent.

  6. No. We used to have Osterichs, and La Habra used to have its very own early Micheal Jackson, in the guy who owned Monkey Island and Monkey Lake at Imperail and Beach – sans hyerberic chamber.

    Now, its all apathy and RINO’s.

  7. who are the fools who support doc jones political career? Fullerton has never been an “edgy” place but until FFFF, I never realized how our municipal government was controlled by dopes, sneaks and slobs. We, the people of fullerton, need to weed out these horrors by voting them out.

    1. Ed Royce
      Dick Ackerman, et al.

      But they are not fools. Oh no. They like having this idiot donkey on the City Council because:

      1) he’s not a Democrat; and,

      2) he’s no political threat to them.

      Unfortunately we get stuck with him year after year.

      And now that I reflect upon it Jones had the endorsement of Sharon Kennedy’s Yellowing Submarine, too! Go figure.

  8. And now that I reflect upon it Jones had the endorsement of Sharon Kennedy’s Yellowing Submarine, too!

    I think Sharon Kennedy should win some kind of award for the Dick Jones endorsement.

  9. Narsultan Farms

    “Where boys become men”

    Description

    Found only in Kharakhastan , Beaver Farms are a Narsultan family tradition. Papa Narsultan and son Omar are in the 3rd generation of beaver farming and dedicate endless hours to produce the finest beaver and beaver tail in the land.

  10. Is it anywhere near Kyzyl, the capitol of the Republic of Tuva, made famous by the documentary “Ghengis Blues”, about an American blues musician who traveled there to sing with the Tuvian throat singers?

    1. Actually, its people like Lasd’s retired assistant sheriff who went to Thailand to diddle little kids, so says the Fbi .

    1. Yeah, moron, you’d be the resident expert on pedophila! asshole! Nothing like a lil 288(a) fir you popo ‘s. Blah!

  11. of course kharakhastan exist cept its spelled cracka’stahn and dick is hitting that glass dick, he just cant get crack off his mind

  12. Thanks for that. A little sunshine. Fullerton’s Finest on display in 2008. Nothing ever changes. Except gender identification and ethnicity,

  13. Please subscribe to the Freedom For Tapirs Society on-line newsletter. Tapirs are being exploited in Central Asia for their wool and milk products. The abuse is rampant. Show you care.

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