FFFF Classic – Apologies to Dick Jones; Welcome to Kharakhastan!
UPDATE: BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND #4!
We have had a lot of fun on this site making fun of City Councilman Dick Jones and his clockwork-regular gaffes and buffooneries. But, when you’re right, you’re right. We teased him for his creation of what we thought was a purely imaginary place: Kharakhastan, and we had some fun at his expense. Well, aren’t we embarrassed! It turns out there really is such a place!
A little research by our International Geography and Socio-Ethnography Department uncovered the following information:
Kharakhastan is a small ethnic enclave located within the Republic of Kazakhstan (former Soviet SSR) that comprises 135,000 square kilometers with a population of approximately 211,000 (2006 census).
The geography consists of arid upland steppe ascending to sub-alpine terrain and ultimately to high peaks. The highest point is Krysighi Peak (formerly known as Mt. Stalin’s Birthday and later Worker’s Peak), at 5439 meters high. The main industry in Kharakhastan is animal husbandry including sheep and tapirs, although a burgeoning Asian market for an aphrodisiac distilled from beaver gonads has spawned a nascent beaver ranching business in the many small tributaries that descend Krysighi Peak.
The principal city in the Kharakhastan region is Pilgur, documented by the Venetian Marco Polo, and known for its splendid 16th Century mosque.
When Kazakhstan broke away from the former Soviet Union in 1991, Kharakastan declared its own independence as a sovereign republic, an independence that lasted a mere four days and was crushed by Kazakh leader Nursultan Nazarbayev, who arrested Kharakh politcal headmen and outlawed the Kharakhastani People’s Liberation Party (LPKI).
Kharakhastan has never been recognized by the internatonal community, although former American President Bill Clinton toured the area in 2006 on a visit to Kazakhstan. The Reformed Kharakhastani People’s Liberation Party (LPKID) currently holds 3 seats in the Khazakh legislature.
Well, there you have it. Kharakhastan. Who knew? And to Dick Jones, our profound apologies!
61 Replies to “FFFF Classic – Apologies to Dick Jones; Welcome to Kharakhastan!”
I didn’t believe this post until I saw it on Wikipedia:
Haha morons!!!! Keep wasting your time!
I am laughing so hard that tears are about to run down my face. This really is the funniest blog post I’ve read in ages, especially the part about beaver gonads.
High praise, indeed.
LOL!!!! LOL!!!! LOL!!!!
I think we passed through there on our honeymoon.
It’s a little known fact that Caltech Nobelist Richard Feynman had his heart set on visiting Kharakhastan before realizing the impossibility of that dream, so he wrote “Tuva or Bust” instead. ( http://www.amazon.com/Tuva-Bust-Richard-Feynmans-Journey/dp/0393320693 )
And so we see that Dr. Jones really did know what he was talking about. I have more confidence in his wisdom and leadership than ever.
Wow, nothing gets past you.
HAHA I just pee’d a little.
Count it as a GOTCHA for Jones. He’s more geographically literate than you thought. Next time check your facts first!
Hey Mike, we apologized, didn’t we? We had absolutely no idea how geographically literate he is. And now we know!
well he is a doctah,
maybe he can give himself a lobotomy
Say, Mike you’re not a Navy guy are you? If so, I sure hope they don’t let you near explosives or jet fuel.
Oh, I get it! You’re Mike who lives on the street “Miramar.” Sorry, I thought maybe you lived on the Naval Air Base. So the liklihood of you getting near explosives or jet fuel is pretty remote.
But do avoid open flames and sharp objects.
I’m a merciful guy, so let me lay this out for you. Go to the Wikipedia page and click “history.” Get it?
in the meantime, avoid from sharp objects and spend a little more time with an atlas.
tylerh, welcome to our humble blog. And never believe everything you read here!
How long before the editors at Wikipedia catch this? I’m laughing again.
“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.”
–Michael Scott, The Office
Greetings. I am pleased to be the Director of Kharakhastani Region Tourism and Trade Council and I would like to thank American bloggers for recognizing our beautiful area. We welcome all tourists to visit our beautiful area and see our native peoples and traditional culture.
September is the month when our tapir herdsmen gather their animals from summer pasture on the slopes of Krysighi Peak. We welcome all to stay with us for this customary event.
Air transportation is easily avalable from Istanbul by way of Tashkent.
I too live in a third world country run by socialist party leaders, La Habra.
Heck , you should try living in Norwack! Its run by the social progressive reconquista Mexican mafios.
sissy, try living in la puente that makes norwalk and la habra look like beverly hills
Ease up on Octomom land now….
Yes, but do you have tapirs and beaver ranching?
all I could think of is who or what packages that gonad aphradisiac for resale
No. We used to have Osterichs, and La Habra used to have its very own early Micheal Jackson, in the guy who owned Monkey Island and Monkey Lake at Imperail and Beach – sans hyerberic chamber.
Now, its all apathy and RINO’s.
Okay, now. That’s what I’m talkin’ about. That’s funny!
I wanna know what happened to the tattered poster of Pamela Anderson that made up 7/8 of the Kharakhi constitution?
who are the fools who support doc jones political career? Fullerton has never been an “edgy” place but until FFFF, I never realized how our municipal government was controlled by dopes, sneaks and slobs. We, the people of fullerton, need to weed out these horrors by voting them out.
Dick Ackerman, et al.
But they are not fools. Oh no. They like having this idiot donkey on the City Council because:
1) he’s not a Democrat; and,
2) he’s no political threat to them.
Unfortunately we get stuck with him year after year.
And now that I reflect upon it Jones had the endorsement of Sharon Kennedy’s Yellowing Submarine, too! Go figure.
I think Sharon Kennedy should win some kind of award for the Dick Jones endorsement.
Let’s petition Wikipedia to bring back Kharakhastan.
Let’s petition admin to bring back the Fullerton harpoon!
Please bring back the Harpoon.
OMG! The guy made up a country!
“Where boys become men”
Found only in Kharakhastan , Beaver Farms are a Narsultan family tradition. Papa Narsultan and son Omar are in the 3rd generation of beaver farming and dedicate endless hours to produce the finest beaver and beaver tail in the land.
aka Downtown Fullerton.. Had to do it..
Did Bill Clinton tour the country in 2006 to obtain distilled beaver gonads? What did Hillary say about that?
He wanted to compare his to theirs
What was the end result of the gonad comparison study?
This is funny stuff….better than TV….
oh dick ” the toilet scrubber” jones! go back to kin-der-gar-ten.
O.k., there is a place called Kazakhstan and here is the national amthem I found on youtube….have a little respect
Is it anywhere near Kyzyl, the capitol of the Republic of Tuva, made famous by the documentary “Ghengis Blues”, about an American blues musician who traveled there to sing with the Tuvian throat singers?
These 3 bufoon, are the same kinds of men who go on sex tours to 3rd world countries to prey upon little boys.
Actually, its people like Lasd’s retired assistant sheriff who went to Thailand to diddle little kids, so says the Fbi .
He should be scrubbing toilets with Lindsay Lowlife.
Elect the 3 Kharakh wrestlers to the soon to be vacated city council seats, couldn’t do no worse!?
Copcar I am sure you know all the best places for them too!
Yeah, moron, you’d be the resident expert on pedophila! asshole! Nothing like a lil 288(a) fir you popo ‘s. Blah!
Hating the editing on this phone! Grrrrr!
Can you imagine City Hall looking like that building?
of course kharakhastan exist cept its spelled cracka’stahn and dick is hitting that glass dick, he just cant get crack off his mind
Thanks for that. A little sunshine. Fullerton’s Finest on display in 2008. Nothing ever changes. Except gender identification and ethnicity,
Please subscribe to the Freedom For Tapirs Society on-line newsletter. Tapirs are being exploited in Central Asia for their wool and milk products. The abuse is rampant. Show you care.
Still hilarious in 2019. RIP Dick Jones.
Except that he isn’t dead. Only frozen.
That’s not ice. That’s Jello®