2016 Fringies© – And The Winners Are…

Friends, the time has come to hand out this year’s Fringie© Awards. I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, but JFD, in this short period after the FFFF resurrection how can we have Fringies©?

The broomstick wasn’t short, but it sure was hard…Arf!

The answer, my ever slow human Friends, is that first, you had quite a bit of nutsy goings on since the second week of November including Joe Felz’ Wild Ride, Danny Hughes’ obstruction of justice, the election recap, and some fun with your downtown vodka, vomit an vehicular mayhem culture – a culture whose tentacles reach deep into City Hall and has repercussions as far away as Glenwood Avenue. Second, you deserve the annual abuse of the Fringies©, because after all, the culture of arrogant secrecy, of complaisance, of mismanagement can be laid at the doorstep of the electorate. And that’s you, lowly humans.

And so the Awards Committee sat in deliberation. And by deliberation I mean ingestion of substantial amounts of peyote, cough syrup and Mountain Dew – the elixir of Award Committees everywhere. They toiled away far into the evening hours to entertain and enlighten you. Here is what they belched up.

Poor Sappy

Rookie of the Year.  Although the Committee discussed the merit of awarding this Fringie© to a non-human, it was trenchantly observed that many non-humans have indeed won Fringies© in the past. And by non-human in 2016 I mean the late, lamented Sappy McTree, cut down at the beginning of a promising life by none other than our former City Manager, Joe Felz in the wee hours of November 9th, 2016. Both are now departed. Felz has been spotted around town trying to peddle whatever influence he thinks he has left, while poor Sappy has been run through the chipper at the City’s corporate yard and is now ground cover at Byerrum Park. RIP, Sappy.

The simpering smile became a trademark

Worst Politician of the Year. The very name of the category begs the question as to whether such a thing as a good politician exists. However we leave that questions for greater minds to ponder as we award the Fringie© to the most deluded, self-important, boob anybody has ever seen in these parts – Irvine’s own Sukhee Kang. True, Fullerton’s Larry Bennett offered up one of the lamest candidacies imaginable, but we didn’t have to imagine anything more: for here before our very eyes was the very real spectacle of Sukhee Kang, self-anointed carpetbagger with the dismal record in Irvine, who moved to Fullerton just to run for office, and who bought a McMansion on a golf course to show how much he had in common with his would-be constituents.  The Committee was again, unanimous.

Best Most Outrageous Cover Up. Even though there were only two nominees in the category, the Committee spent hours debating the merits of each. There was much disturbance, confusion and argumentation, and the Committee finally came to blows. In the end there was a split decision, the majority believing that even though the cover-up of Joe Felz’s Chaotic Wild Ride certainly constitutes an abuse of power and privilege, the NOCCCD cover up of Dino Skokos’ felonious and unprovoked assault on a  student not only represented the usual arrogance of bureaucratic stonewalling, it was actually performed in the full light of the existing video that had been viewed by thousands and thousand of people.

No comment

Best/Worst Image. One of our Committee members actually felt that Joe Felz has endured enough ridicule for his careening caper and subsequent departure. This individual was severely beaten about the head and shoulders and sent out into the night. Nevertheless the image of Gigglin’ Joe hoisting a glass of cheap chardonnay never had a chance. Instead, the image of my former mistress, Jan Flory rendered into a completely believable gorgon, positively captivated the Committee. And by captivated I mean like watching a train wreck. And so the Fringie© goes to Medusa Flory.

We didn’t do it!

And finally, The Ghost of Fullerton Past. All of the nominees were eminently qualified to take the brass ring. And by brass ring I mean recognition of past horrors inflicted upon the residents of Fullerton, and new contributions, too. In the end the Committee chose the inevitable: The Three Bald Tires, collectively recalled four years ago, who believe, somehow, that they are still wielders of influence. They are not. The worst aspect was them bringing along their spouses to share in one final electoral humiliation – pimping Lost Cause Larry Bennett’s political career.

And there you have it Friends the 2016 Fringies©. Now please excuse me while I tend to my nether parts.

2016 Fringies© – Worst Political Candidate

I pee on you…

The thing about human elections in a democracy is that you get the winners you deserve. You also get the candidates you deserve since once you winnow out the crackpots and the perennial also-rans you are left with a class of political grifters who see an opportunity based on past victories for their ilk.

Since our revivification came the day after the 2016 election, the nominating committee used our post-election coverage to determine the potential winners in this special category of loserdom. The committee therefore did not address some of Fullerton’s more colorful electoral flame-outs, with their confusing, crackpot, or just embarrassing displays.

Somewhere along the line slouching became a permanent posture…

Larry T. Bennett. Ol’ Larry had everything going for him if this had been 1984. Well it isn’t 1984, and all those endorsements from brain-dead repuglicans and brain-dead boohoos didn’t help. Not even a leg up by the FPOA and hard pimping by our lobbyist-mayor could get this inert sack of lethargy over the obstacle course wall.

looking for the exit…

Ling Ling Chang. This empty suit was the hand-chosen candidate of the old Redevelopment mob to be our State Senator. It was believed that her Asian-ness would counteract the Asian-ness of Sukhee Kang. Well, things didn’t work out quite the way the playahs anticipated. A lot of voters saw through her phoniness, including a history of lying about herself to get elected.

No there, there…

Young Kim. Ms. Kim managed to mismanage her way out of the job as our Assemblywoman despite what turned out to be a pretty decent Republican turnout. True, she was hammered by a relentless barrage of attack mail from the state Democrats, but her own effort was feeble, disjointed and smacked of desperation a mile off.

The simpering smile became a trademark

Sukhee Kang. Ah! The Irvine carpetbagger completely misjudged the electorate in the 29th State Senate District and he misjudged his own lack of appeal and ability, including the ability to run and hide from Larry Agran and his own disastrous record in the City of Irvine. Sukhee was so weak he couldn’t salvage his own campaign with a massive infusion of Sukhee Kash. He couldn’t get past the primary. The whole Sukhee Scampaign was a horrendous and embarrassing train wreck.

2016 Fringies© – Rookie of the Year

And now Friends, a brand new Fringie© category in 2016. This category recognizes the contributions made to our humble pages by a newcomer – somebody upon whom we have never yet had recourse to shine a spotlight. And so I give you the nominees for the Rookie of the Year Fringie©.

Nicole Bernard

Nicole Bernard. This exorbitantly remunerated assistant to now departed Wild Rider Joe Felz came to prominence – really as an aside – for a footling junket to Las Vegas where she displayed an inordinate love of Starbucks corporate fare. Later she was the subject of an inside City Hall poison pen letter we received that contained all sorts of allegations and innuendo. We weren’t necessarily buying it, but we sure were left wondering what this individual actually accomplishes to pull in her titanic salary.

Gregory Palmer, Esq.

Gregory Palmer, Esq. This fine gentleman, who is employed by our City Attorney, Jones & Meyer, emerged in November directing an honest citizen making a legitimate public records request to go fuck himself. Then we learned from his biography that he is especially proud of his work dealing with “adult businesses,” which strikes me as pretty kinky. But I’m just a dog and leave it to you humans to contemplate Mr. Palmer’s preoccupations.

Poor Sappy

Sappy McTree. Poor Sappy McTree led a short, undistinguished  life on a Glenwood Avenue parkway. While some plant life is born to be great, others have greatness thrust upon them. Consider the sextillion possibilities in the early morning of November 9th, 2016, and the odds of the unfortunate Sappy jumping out in front of our former City Manager’s careening vehicle diminish into vapor. And yet there he is, undone by a heartless universe that laughs at our feeble calculation of likelihoods.

Yet before Sappy was sent to the chipper, he graced our pages, even in his state of extreme distress.

looking for the exit…

Ling Ling Chang. This superficial creature, candidate for the State Senate and remarkable only for previous prevarications about her life story, was foisted upon us by a repuglican machine which cynically miscalculated that only an Asian candidate could beat another Asian candidate. They both lost to the same non-Asian, but not before wasting almost seven million bucks.

Hello, Newman

Josh Newman. Speaking of the non-Asian, Fullerton’s Josh Newman emerged out of nowhere as the anti-Establishment candidate for the State Senate seat. He had a bear suit, a blimp and a presence that drove Establishment Democants into an angry passion. He smashed their carpetbagging sad sack Sukhee Kang in the primary, and overcame a tsunami of idiotic shit flooded out by the repuglicans, and sent Ling Ling Chang to the showers.

2016 Fringies© – The Scariest Ghost of Fullerton Past

Woof

And now I present to you humans the nominations in the supremely important category of The Ghost of Fullerton Past. Why is this important? As an expert on the subject of ghosts myself, I can tell you that Fullerton never seems to be rid of hauntings by former inhabitant of the worst ilk. My former mistress was nominated in 2009 and finally took the home the prize in 2012, before she managed to re-materialize in something approximating corporal human form. Usually the nominees are culled from the large stock of horrific departed repuglicans such as Linda LeQuire who revisit you near every election time to promote this or that non-entity propped up on the campaign dais by Ed Royce.

This year was no different: the nexus was largely the misbegotten campaign of Larry T. Bennett, and how the grisly Ghosts of Fullerton Past manifested themselves to support the insupportable. The first five entries distinguished themselves by clambering up onto the rickety Bennettmobile.

Dick FitzBennett

Dick Ackerman. Scam artist and influence peddler who tried to sell the OC fairgrounds to a bunch of pals by illegally lobbying the Legislature. Yes he got a pass from our useless DA, just in time to run his laughable wife as a carpetbagger for the Assembly in 2009, and later lead the  anti-recall campaign in 2012. “Scary” doesn’t begin to describe this lowlife.

Gone, but almost forgotten…

Linda LeQuire. This hideous apparition rises every election cycle even tough almost nobody knows who it is anymore – which makes the haunting sort of tragic. Even worse, she brought along the comical side-ghost of her Earthly husband, Roy, this year. The noxious vapor, LeQuire, has the dubious distinction of winning this coveted Fringie© in 2009, but that in no way diminishes the contemporary horror.

Rebels Fire on Fort Sumpter

Buck Catlin. Buck Catlin is also a former nominee in this category. His claim to fame was getting recalled in 1994 by voting to impose a completely unnecessary utility tax upon the populous.

The Three Bald Tires. Yes, you know them also as the Three Tree Stumps, the Three Dead Batteries, etc. Mssrs. Jones, Bankhead and McKinley were recalled in 2012 for their deplorable behavior in the aftermath of the Kelly Thomas killing, and their die-hard love of the illegal water tax. They re-emerged on the political scene this fall, thinking their estimable reputation would help Bennett. More than likely it hurt, and hurt badly; but no sympathy for Ol’ Schlep Larry – he obviously solicited their endorsements. Pathetically, each of these burned out bulbs brought along his spouse to the party to join in yet another electoral humiliation.

Matthew J. Cunningham. Third tier squealer for the County’s repuglican grifters, this creature is more greasy than scary, and has left a shiny green slime-trail across our pages over the years. Since we saw him last he has been toiling away for Curt Pringles’ influence peddling machine in Anaheim; working against a homeless shelter; and in 2013 he even set up a votive candle to the Virgin Mary next to a mangled teddy bear – on the anniversary of a Latino’s death – shot by Anaheim cops. In November he emerged from his hole on cue to blame Bruce Whitaker for Bennett’s embarrassment.

And finally, a non Bennett-related entry.

A perfect record…

Lou Ponsi. This specter popped up as a writer for the utterly lame and publicly funded Behind the Badge, touting the good works of our cops, specifically in bribing kids with a Thanksgiving dinner to be good little barrio tykes. Nobody involved seemed to pick up on the rather demeaning condescension involved in this display, but FFFF did. Ponsi spent many years regurgitating the lamest and most insipid sort of pabulum for the local Register rag, swallowing everything he was dished out like a hungry little bird, and never asking a single probing question about the behavior of the Fullerton Police Department and its employees. Not one. Ever. None. Nada.

There they are, human Friends. A scarier rogues gallery shall ye never find. Them’s your potential winners. And by winners I mean we all lose.

 

 

 

2016 Fringies© – Best Most Outrageous Cover Up

Woof

In this abbreviated FFFF year, we really only have two cover-ups to offer. And you know what they are.

 

First is the caught-on-video assault and battery/false arrest of an FJC kid by an arrogant old sonnovabitch named Dino Skokos, an ex-cop with a “disability” retirement and obvious anger management issues. The FJC mush-mouth  machine went into immediate Orwellian production mode, including hiring a law-firm that specializes in defending government agencies to conduct an “investigation.” Ha. I lift my leg on them.

If there’s a bottom to this, you won’t get there…

Then, of course, there is the Case of the Mysterious Disappearing City Manger, in which Mr. Joe Felz, while motoring home from a series of parties, jump a Glenwood Avenue curb, uprooted a tree and tried to drive off. Stopped by the cops, he flashed his stay-out-of-jail card, got a pass and a ride home. The citizenry was promised  an “independent person” investigation and was told cryptically of some sort of “ongoing (or potential) criminal investigation.” No details have been forthcoming and nobody is holding his breath waiting to ever see any.

The 2016 Fringies© – Best/Worst Image

Woof

Here, Friends is the first 2016 Fringie© category – Best/Worst Image. Ever popular, this category features pictures that are outstanding – in one way or another. They make you laugh; they make you cry; they make you run screaming into the night – an occurrence that can only be avoided by generous dopings of mescaline and stiff G&Ts. And that’s the recipe that fuels our hard working Nominations Committee as they toil well into the wee hours, laboring on our behalf. Here are the fruits of that labor.

The head and the hat were a perfect match…

 

Hardhat Man. everybody is familiar with the politician who makes himself ridiculous by wearing an inappropriate hat. The result is always  cringe-worthy. Here is your esteemed city council person Doug “Bud” Chaffee making like a construction worker. The little lapel flag is precious. We are in the presence of a patriot.

No comment

Medusa Flory. Sweet effervescent, glow-in-the-dark Jebus! This horrifying rendition of my former mistress makes me want to barf up my kibble. Such things should not be inflicted upon the living…or the dead. Grrrrr.

Poor Sappy

Sappy McTree. Poor Sappy McTree. Never hurt a fly. And I never even got a chance to pee on him. Ah! Only the good die young.

Auld lang syne…

Happy Joe. This image was used so often by FFFF that I almost got tired of it, but never did. Joe is gone now, but his happiness lingers on – especially in downtown Fullerton.

It wasn’t safe. but it sure was uncomfortable…

GoPed Dude. GoPed Dude emerges as a dark horse candidate in the category. And by dark horse candidate, I mean a symbol of what awaits you Fullerton citizens when the out-of-town development interests get through with you. GoPed Dude sure looks maniacally persistent, and even multi-tasks as he makes his way past impenetrable traffic on Lemon Street. But does he deserve a coveted Fringie©?

And there you have ’em Friends.

The 2012 Fringies© Are Finally Here

trophy

Yes, my human Friends on Earth, 2012 is not yet over and this provides me with a final opportunity to bring to you what you desire: the Friends For Fullerton’s Future Annual Fringie© Awards.

It’s been a long, tough year of ups and downs and believe me, as a regular recipient of broomstick whackings from my former mistress, I know tough.

This year’s version will be, of necessity abbreviated since I have spent the past month undergoing a series of painful distemper treatments. And so I leap straight into the awards.

Let me tell you: not looking for evidence is a superb way of not finding any.
All that criminal stuff was just the result of complaceny.

In the category of Most Egregious Whitewashes there really was no competition. Register writer Lou Ponsi and the wanker who publishes FullertonStories were simply outgunned by the ridiculous “Gennaco” Report, a notorious mutual stroke-job between the City and the obscenely expensive stooge it hired to help make the Kelly Thomas murder go away. The various secretions of this pabulum outdid one another in saying nothing and studiously avoid naming names and demanding accountability. Too bad. But we know who did what and we know what it is: A Culture of Corruption.

Daylight hours were being lost.
Daylight hours were being lost.

In the category of Worst Political Campaign, the selection committee had no choice but to give the Fringie© to none other than Former Assemblyman Chris Norby, who took a sure thing and managed to unmanage his way into unemployment. Was it his political expert, John Lewis who let him down? Was it the tsunami of last minute hate pieces mailed out by the unions and crony-capitalists? Was it his own lethargy? Whatever. Norby has a massive pension and doesn’t need our sympathy.

The Best. The Brightest.
The Best? The Brightest?

FFFF added a new category this year, Biggest F-U From The FPD. There have been many instances of the usual arrogant claptrap, the one instance that caught the selection committee’s eye was the promotion of the egregious Andrew Goodrich, the department spokeshole who has been peddling self-serving half truths and outright fabrications for years as FPD P(Mis)IO. If any single gesture signaled that there was no internal self-reflection or repentence in the aftermath of the Thomas killing and the falsehoods peddled by Goodrich, this was it; and, also a sure sign that the continued reign of error will go on. Even Dan Hughes admitted it was a communications failure; and the failure was promoted. Got it?

Chaffee Gets a Hat
Six more weeks of winter…

In the past, the Fringie© for Best Video was awarded for videos that were intentionally funny. But in 2012 the committee was forced to admit that the most entertaining video was created as a serious campaign effort by none other than Doug Chaffee. The portentous music followed by the dyed hair, cracking voice and the milquetoast pronouncements were worth their weight in gold, revelation-wise. You can watch it again, here.

Fitz

Best Political Campaign 2012. This Fringie© was a tough one. Perhaps because nobody hit her in a year of rancorous politics, Jennifer Cowan-Fitzgerald did very well, indeed. Well, you have to give credit where credit is due; and sometimes doing nothing, saying nothing, and standing for nothing is the best way to get elected. It used to be like that in Fullerton, and maybe is again.

A co-winner is in order, of course, to recognize the campaign conducted by Tony Bushala, a local hero, to root out the disease in the body politic known as the Three Dead Tree Stumps. And so we recognize the Great Fullerton Recall of 2012 that laid a 2-1 whumpin’ on the Ancient Regime.

I'll turn any trick for five bucks and a bottle of two-buck chuck.
I’ll turn any trick for five dollars and a bottle of Two-buck Chuck.

The Lowest Political Political Prostitute Fringie© was an easy call for the panel. Despite the nauseating spectacle of Jan Flory and Rick Alvarez clinging to the FPOA in a diseased, chancrous lip-lock, we just had to acknowledge the whorish spectacle of former conservative State Sentator Dick Ackerman (R-Irvine)  making pro-union robocalls to try to keep Fullerton in permanent thrall to its overpriced, unaccountable gang of cops.

 Gregory A. Diamond attorney candidate-thumb-311x364

The Best Image0f 2012 Fringie© was another category with keen competition particularly given the political resurrection of my former mistress. However, in the end, the selection committee chose a picture that sublimely captures the essence of the unemployable, ego-driven loser who finds reward in the world of political blogging instead of gainful employment. And so we chose Big, Fat, Naked Dude In Front of the Monitor, an image that is only missing the giant, super-family-size sack of Doritos®.

Go ahead, skinny, make my day.
Go ahead, skinny, make my day.

And speaking of super-size, as a consolation prize we also award a Fringie© to this jaw-dropping image of  Corpulent Fullerton Corporal at the Anaheim cop-induced riots, an image that succinctly captures the essence of the Culture of Corruption: overarmed, overweight, and under accountable.

Jan Florys Head
May the horse be with you…

In 2012 the Scariest Ghost of Fullerton Past Fringie© could only go to one creature – my former mistress, Jan Flory. As other relics of the last Ice Age disappeared from the political biosphere, the septuagenarian Flory returned, proving that there was plenty of bitter bile left in the bottom of the bag. Watching Mrs. Flory vote for Bruce Whitaker to be your new mayor was pure delight. Now watch out for the broomstick, Bruce!

Well, they are The Heart of the City!
Well, they are The Heart of the City!

Speaking of Flory, here is the winner of the Best Campaign Sign of 2012, a terse yet eloquent reminded of who Flory will work for now that she has managed to slither back into office.

Bruce_Whitaker_2011_300

Finally, the Best Hope For Fullerton’s Future Fringie© goes to Mayor Bruce Whitaker, who has spent most of his adult life fighting for honesty, transparency, and integrity in Fullerton government. Now more than ever you will need Mr. Whitaker to keep an eye on the doings of the cops and bureaucrats as they try ever so hard to re-write the history of Fullerton in 2011 and 2012, as they try to deny you a refund for the illegal water tax they stole, and as they apply pressure to their friends on the Council to make up for all the hardships they’ve had to endure.

This year we pass out no Special Fringies© of either approbation or opprobrium. We would give them to the same people we did last year.

 

Fringie® Fanfare! And the Winners Are…

Well Friends, here they are. The 2011 Fringie® winners. I hope you appreciate all the tears, blood and sweat that went into this production. You probably don’t, and that makes it easier for us to wreak havoc on your synapses and bend your reality this away and that. In life you deserve what you get. And Fullerton deserves it’s Fringie® winners.

Mr. Luv, lookin' out for my own Luv-ly Ladies of Fullerton®, oh yeah!

In the category of Dumbest Thing Said By a Politician the winner was a foregone conclusion. When you’re dealing with nincompoops like Don Bankhead and Doc Heehaw Jones, the competition is fierce. But nobody, and I mean nobody could match the ignorance, stupidity, and sheer insensitivity of the genuine and  heartfelt remarks made by Pat McKinley at the Soroptomist She Bear gathering. See, to McKinley if you are the wrong kind of woman getting sexually attacked in the back of a cop car “ain’t a dangerous thing.” Just call Chief.

The Incredible Shrinking Stooge

In the category of Creepiest Political Stooge the award goes to a tiny shrunken head named Bill Gillespie. Unlike the rest of the anti-recall stooges (who have or will profit from the current Sclerotic Regime), Gillespie appears to be a stoogin’ just for the sake of stoogery. And that takes a very special kind of personality, indeed.

Rebels Fire on Fort Sumpter

The Scariest Ghost of Fullerton Past was a landslide vote for former Fullerton councilman A.B. “Buck” Catlin, who was recalled in1994 for imposing a completely unnecessary utility tax on Fullerton and who thus earned the undying love of liberals and RINOs alike, who actually named a street after him. This specter emerged in 2011 to defend the indefensible – including Don Bankhead who was recalled right alongside him almost twenty years ago.

In the ever-popular category of Best Image, the Fringie® goes to the pair of charm-boys Ramos and Cicinelli, who created what is arguably the scariest pair of mug shots in Orange County history. These two goons in uniform are poster boys for a police force that is out of control and that answers to nobody – yet. Believe it or not, there are people in Fullerton who can look at these faces and not feel betrayal and disgust. Three of them are on the City Council – for now.

Heh, heh. Those guys owe me big time. And you're going to pick up the tab.

A lot of bad votes were taken in Fullerton in 2011, and the Selection Committee burned the midnight oil choosing the winner of the Worst Vote 2011. And by winner, I mean we all lose. Buying four times as many raincoats as you need at $90 bucks a pop? Embarrassing. Hiring a con man to deliver a pep talk to your overpaid, pampered educrats? Shameful. But when it come down to all ’round crooked dealings, the vote to jump bag man Dick Ackerman’s client from eighth place to the front of the Redevelopment multi-million dollar, low income housing bonanza line, earns first place. For Ackerman, Fullerton is just a plantation to be worked, and worked hard; and his overseers, Jones, Bankhead, and McKinley are there to make sure their anti-recall team leader gets his share of the tribute levied on the rest of us.

The Best Video of 2011? Once again the Committee was presented with several deserving nominees. In the end, however, there was consensus: the utterly comical portrait of a cop goon with important things on his mind carried the day. Yes, friends, you know what I’m talking about: Fullerton cop union boss Barry Coffman, with visions of donuts and pizza dancing through his hollow skull as he hands out tickets for “excessive horning!”

And the piece de resistance, the Failed Face of Fullerton 2011. How else can one sum up the arrogance, prevarication, sense of self-entitlement, and all ’round porcine attitude that has come to characterize Fullerton leaders and their masters in the police department. Come up with a better image. I challenge you.

The Fringies® wouldn’t be complete without the Annual Special Fringies® awarded to those who have earned distinction. One way or another.

First we award a Special Fringie® to Kelly’s Army – that ragtag assortment of lefties, libertarians and people of conscience and who banded together to show the entrenched sea anemones and their clown fish that in this country sovereignty inheres in the people, not in their politicians, and certainly not in their uniformed praetorian goon squad. Americans of good will came together – without permits, without government approval, without budgets and police power to do the right thing. A “lynch-type mob?” No, Heehaw, Americans exercising their 1st Amendment rights. Got it?

Another Special Fringie® goes to those witnesses who were willing to come forward with what they knew about the Kelly Thomas murder. God bless them, and especially God bless that OCTA bus driver who made sure the immediate eye-witness testimony without coercion or threat was recorded for posterity.

We award a Special Fringie® to Marisa Gerber of the OC Weekly, who alone among those paid to do reporting in Orange County actually did a detailed investigation of the Fullerton Police Department’s Culture of Corruption. Well done, Marisa.

With age came wisdom.

For all round cowardice and pusillanimity we recognize Fullerton’s establishment liberals who have sold their souls for mortgages, Volvos, tenure, timeshares in Taos, and whatever else they hold dear. When the chips were down they were weighed in the balance and found wanting. Hell, they weren’t there at all. A guy named Baxter dealt with them far better than we ever could.

See those four cops over there? Trying them would be too much work.

Lest we forget others who did nothing when they ought to have, let us award a Special Fringie® to our do-nothing DA Tony Rackaukas. Yes Rackauckas brought charges against the killers Ramos and Cicinelli. He also let the latter off with a puny bail; he let the other four cops at the Kelly Thomas murder scene off the hook completely; he has done nothing about the fact that their superiors coached fraudulent reports about the murder that ignored key facts; he knows and apparently doesn’t care that cops at the murder scene were witnessed confiscating cameras and film; moreover, he ignored the evident perjury by Kenneth Hampton and Frank Nguyen in the bogus Veth Mam prosecution; and he ignored the findings of his own investigator that Albert Rincon had sexually attacked a dozen women in false custody. What a guy.

Licking boots just came so darn naturally...

And to the “main steam media,” particularly those employees of the Orange County Register who until this day continue to refer to the Kelly Thomas bludgeoning death as a scuffle, a confrontation, a fight, an altercation, or some other similar unadulterated bullshit, we award you a Special Fringie® with Poison Oak Clusters and the fervent hope for a decidedly low circle in Hell when the time comes.

Fritschie. Image artistically enhanced.

Finally, a Very Special Fringie® to Fullerton Stories, an on-line (mis)information source that has remained remarkably incurious about the string of criminal and unethical behavior by Fullerton’s cops over the past several years. This operation hit rock bottom when it posted an interview with alleged itinerant jewelry peddler Richard Fritschie (above) who not only claimed to be a witness to the Kelly Thomas murder, but who took it upon himself to defend what even the DA confirms was a crime perpetrated by members of the FPD. How the rat  Fritschie hooked up with Fullerton Stories in the first place certainly makes one think of the ever helpful FPD media contact Andrew Goodrich, and I’ll just leave it at that. I wonder what Fritschie’s reward was. A pack of smokes?

Well, Friends, these are the Third Annual Fringies®. It’s been a helluva year for you humans in Fullerton, and I thought I had it rough when my mistress was whacking me with that broomstick everyday. Still, 2012 promises to be better in so many ways.

And don’t forget Friends, the immortal words of Cassius in Julius Caesar: “the fault dear Brutus is not in our stars, but in ourselves that we are underlings.”

Understand?

Fringies® Are Funtastic. The Failed Face of Fullerton 2011

This is a new category for the Fringies® and will be awarded to that douchenozzle who best represents what’s really wrong with Fullerton, jumping the tracks-wise. The Nominating Committee had all sorts of trouble winnowing out the finalists, but in the end the selections were made. It wasn’t painless, no. But it was hard work that had to be done.

Union Über Alles

1. Andrew Goodrich. The swinish face of Fullerton to the media. The liar, coverup artist, and police union boss who inexplicably is still employed by the City to hand out misinformation and punish the few journalist who dare write the truth. Proof positive that the  cops run the City Council, not the other way around.

Lookin' out for the ladies, oh yeah!

2. Ex Police Chief Pat McKinley, now councilman-by-93 votes, who developed his world-view under Daryl Gates; who thinks it’s pretty much okay for cops to grope certain kinds of women, and who explained to a national audience that Kelly Thomas’ facial injuries were not life threatening.

Money was the object.

3. Dick Ackerman. The carpetbagging slime-sack from Irvine who has millions of reasons to protect the Three Dithering Diplosaurs on the Fullerton City Council, and not one of them decent. No, basic decency has nothing to do with this political fixer, lobbyist and bagman. The sooner he is chased out of our city once and for all, the better.

Will you please shut up!

4. Doc “HeeHaw” Dick Jones, the loudmouthed lout and bully who famously characterized law-abiding protesters as a “lynch-type mob” and who claimed to have seen far worse injuries than Kelly Thomas’ that were survivable. To a world-wide audience shocked at the police killing of a harmless homeless guy, Jones represented entrenched, sclerotic, ignorant authority. Those who have watched Jones in action for 15 long years saw nothing new.

Well, there are the depressing choices. And now for a flea bath and rinse.