The Fringie Awards are a mechanism by which the outstanding behavior of public officials and their followers in various civic organizations and the press can be recognized for what it is.
Yes, my human Friends on Earth, 2012 is not yet over and this provides me with a final opportunity to bring to you what you desire: the Friends For Fullerton’s Future Annual Fringie© Awards.
It’s been a long, tough year of ups and downs and believe me, as a regular recipient of broomstick whackings from my former mistress, I know tough.
This year’s version will be, of necessity abbreviated since I have spent the past month undergoing a series of painful distemper treatments. And so I leap straight into the awards.
In the category of Most Egregious Whitewashes there really was no competition. Register writer Lou Ponsi and the wanker who publishes FullertonStories were simply outgunned by the ridiculous “Gennaco” Report, a notorious mutual stroke-job between the City and the obscenely expensive stooge it hired to help make the Kelly Thomas murder go away. The various secretions of this pabulum outdid one another in saying nothing and studiously avoid naming names and demanding accountability. Too bad. But we know who did what and we know what it is: A Culture of Corruption.
In the category of Worst Political Campaign, the selection committee had no choice but to give the Fringie© to none other than Former Assemblyman Chris Norby, who took a sure thing and managed to unmanage his way into unemployment. Was it his political expert, John Lewis who let him down? Was it the tsunami of last minute hate pieces mailed out by the unions and crony-capitalists? Was it his own lethargy? Whatever. Norby has a massive pension and doesn’t need our sympathy.
FFFF added a new category this year, Biggest F-U From The FPD. There have been many instances of the usual arrogant claptrap, the one instance that caught the selection committee’s eye was the promotion of the egregious Andrew Goodrich, the department spokeshole who has been peddling self-serving half truths and outright fabrications for years as FPD P(Mis)IO. If any single gesture signaled that there was no internal self-reflection or repentence in the aftermath of the Thomas killing and the falsehoods peddled by Goodrich, this was it; and, also a sure sign that the continued reign of error will go on. Even Dan Hughes admitted it was a communications failure; and the failure was promoted. Got it?
In the past, the Fringie© for Best Video was awarded for videos that were intentionally funny. But in 2012 the committee was forced to admit that the most entertaining video was created as a serious campaign effort by none other than Doug Chaffee. The portentous music followed by the dyed hair, cracking voice and the milquetoast pronouncements were worth their weight in gold, revelation-wise. You can watch it again, here.
Best Political Campaign 2012. This Fringie© was a tough one. Perhaps because nobody hit her in a year of rancorous politics, Jennifer Cowan-Fitzgerald did very well, indeed. Well, you have to give credit where credit is due; and sometimes doing nothing, saying nothing, and standing for nothing is the best way to get elected. It used to be like that in Fullerton, and maybe is again.
A co-winner is in order, of course, to recognize the campaign conducted by Tony Bushala, a local hero, to root out the disease in the body politic known as the Three Dead Tree Stumps. And so we recognize the Great Fullerton Recall of 2012 that laid a 2-1 whumpin’ on the Ancient Regime.
The Lowest Political Political Prostitute Fringie© was an easy call for the panel. Despite the nauseating spectacle of Jan Flory and Rick Alvarez clinging to the FPOA in a diseased, chancrous lip-lock, we just had to acknowledge the whorish spectacle of former conservative State Sentator Dick Ackerman (R-Irvine) making pro-union robocalls to try to keep Fullerton in permanent thrall to its overpriced, unaccountable gang of cops.
The Best Image0f 2012 Fringie© was another category with keen competition particularly given the political resurrection of my former mistress. However, in the end, the selection committee chose a picture that sublimely captures the essence of the unemployable, ego-driven loser who finds reward in the world of political blogging instead of gainful employment. And so we chose Big, Fat, Naked Dude In Front of the Monitor, an image that is only missing the giant, super-family-size sack of Doritos®.
And speaking of super-size, as a consolation prize we also award a Fringie© to this jaw-dropping image of Corpulent Fullerton Corporal at the Anaheim cop-induced riots, an image that succinctly captures the essence of the Culture of Corruption: overarmed, overweight, and under accountable.
In 2012 the Scariest Ghost of Fullerton Past Fringie© could only go to one creature – my former mistress, Jan Flory. As other relics of the last Ice Age disappeared from the political biosphere, the septuagenarian Flory returned, proving that there was plenty of bitter bile left in the bottom of the bag. Watching Mrs. Flory vote for Bruce Whitaker to be your new mayor was pure delight. Now watch out for the broomstick, Bruce!
Speaking of Flory, here is the winner of the Best Campaign Sign of 2012, a terse yet eloquent reminded of who Flory will work for now that she has managed to slither back into office.
Finally, the Best Hope For Fullerton’s Future Fringie© goes to Mayor Bruce Whitaker, who has spent most of his adult life fighting for honesty, transparency, and integrity in Fullerton government. Now more than ever you will need Mr. Whitaker to keep an eye on the doings of the cops and bureaucrats as they try ever so hard to re-write the history of Fullerton in 2011 and 2012, as they try to deny you a refund for the illegal water tax they stole, and as they apply pressure to their friends on the Council to make up for all the hardships they’ve had to endure.
This year we pass out no Special Fringies© of either approbation or opprobrium. We would give them to the same people we did last year.
Well Friends, here they are. The 2011 Fringie® winners. I hope you appreciate all the tears, blood and sweat that went into this production. You probably don’t, and that makes it easier for us to wreak havoc on your synapses and bend your reality this away and that. In life you deserve what you get. And Fullerton deserves it’s Fringie® winners.
In the category of Dumbest Thing Said By a Politician the winner was a foregone conclusion. When you’re dealing with nincompoops like Don Bankhead and Doc Heehaw Jones, the competition is fierce. But nobody, and I mean nobody could match the ignorance, stupidity, and sheer insensitivity of the genuine and heartfelt remarks made by Pat McKinley at the Soroptomist She Bear gathering. See, to McKinley if you are the wrong kind of woman getting sexually attacked in the back of a cop car “ain’t a dangerous thing.” Just call Chief.
In the category of Creepiest Political Stooge the award goes to a tiny shrunken head named Bill Gillespie. Unlike the rest of the anti-recall stooges (who have or will profit from the current Sclerotic Regime), Gillespie appears to be a stoogin’ just for the sake of stoogery. And that takes a very special kind of personality, indeed.
The Scariest Ghost of Fullerton Past was a landslide vote for former Fullerton councilman A.B. “Buck” Catlin, who was recalled in1994 for imposing a completely unnecessary utility tax on Fullerton and who thus earned the undying love of liberals and RINOs alike, who actually named a street after him. This specter emerged in 2011 to defend the indefensible – including Don Bankhead who was recalled right alongside him almost twenty years ago.
In the ever-popular category of Best Image, the Fringie® goes to the pair of charm-boys Ramos and Cicinelli, who created what is arguably the scariest pair of mug shots in Orange County history. These two goons in uniform are poster boys for a police force that is out of control and that answers to nobody – yet. Believe it or not, there are people in Fullerton who can look at these faces and not feel betrayal and disgust. Three of them are on the City Council – for now.
A lot of bad votes were taken in Fullerton in 2011, and the Selection Committee burned the midnight oil choosing the winner of the Worst Vote 2011. And by winner, I mean we all lose. Buying four times as many raincoats as you need at $90 bucks a pop? Embarrassing. Hiring a con man to deliver a pep talk to your overpaid, pampered educrats? Shameful. But when it come down to all ’round crooked dealings, the vote to jump bag man Dick Ackerman’s client from eighth place to the front of the Redevelopment multi-million dollar, low income housing bonanza line, earns first place. For Ackerman, Fullerton is just a plantation to be worked, and worked hard; and his overseers, Jones, Bankhead, and McKinley are there to make sure their anti-recall team leader gets his share of the tribute levied on the rest of us.
The Best Video of 2011? Once again the Committee was presented with several deserving nominees. In the end, however, there was consensus: the utterly comical portrait of a cop goon with important things on his mind carried the day. Yes, friends, you know what I’m talking about: Fullerton cop union boss Barry Coffman, with visions of donuts and pizza dancing through his hollow skull as he hands out tickets for “excessive horning!”
And the piece de resistance, the Failed Face of Fullerton 2011. How else can one sum up the arrogance, prevarication, sense of self-entitlement, and all ’round porcine attitude that has come to characterize Fullerton leaders and their masters in the police department. Come up with a better image. I challenge you.
The Fringies® wouldn’t be complete without the Annual Special Fringies® awarded to those who have earned distinction. One way or another.
First we award a Special Fringie® to Kelly’s Army – that ragtag assortment of lefties, libertarians and people of conscience and who banded together to show the entrenched sea anemones and their clown fish that in this country sovereignty inheres in the people, not in their politicians, and certainly not in their uniformed praetorian goon squad. Americans of good will came together – without permits, without government approval, without budgets and police power to do the right thing. A “lynch-type mob?” No, Heehaw, Americans exercising their 1st Amendment rights. Got it?
Another Special Fringie® goes to those witnesses who were willing to come forward with what they knew about the Kelly Thomas murder. God bless them, and especially God bless that OCTA bus driver who made sure the immediate eye-witness testimony without coercion or threat was recorded for posterity.
We award a Special Fringie® to Marisa Gerber of the OC Weekly, who alone among those paid to do reporting in Orange County actually did a detailed investigation of the Fullerton Police Department’s Culture of Corruption. Well done, Marisa.
For all round cowardice and pusillanimity we recognize Fullerton’s establishment liberals who have sold their souls for mortgages, Volvos, tenure, timeshares in Taos, and whatever else they hold dear. When the chips were down they were weighed in the balance and found wanting. Hell, they weren’t there at all. A guy named Baxter dealt with them far better than we ever could.
Lest we forget others who did nothing when they ought to have, let us award a Special Fringie® to our do-nothing DA Tony Rackaukas. Yes Rackauckas brought charges against the killers Ramos and Cicinelli. He also let the latter off with a puny bail; he let the other four cops at the Kelly Thomas murder scene off the hook completely; he has done nothing about the fact that their superiors coached fraudulent reports about the murder that ignored key facts; he knows and apparently doesn’t care that cops at the murder scene were witnessed confiscating cameras and film; moreover, he ignored the evident perjury by Kenneth Hampton and Frank Nguyen in the bogus Veth Mam prosecution; and he ignored the findings of his own investigator that Albert Rincon had sexually attacked a dozen women in false custody. What a guy.
And to the “main steam media,” particularly those employees of the Orange County Register who until this day continue to refer to the Kelly Thomas bludgeoning death as a scuffle, a confrontation, a fight, an altercation, or some other similar unadulterated bullshit, we award you a Special Fringie® with Poison Oak Clusters and the fervent hope for a decidedly low circle in Hell when the time comes.
Finally, a Very Special Fringie® to Fullerton Stories, an on-line (mis)information source that has remained remarkably incurious about the string of criminal and unethical behavior by Fullerton’s cops over the past several years. This operation hit rock bottom when it posted an interview with alleged itinerant jewelry peddler Richard Fritschie (above) who not only claimed to be a witness to the Kelly Thomas murder, but who took it upon himself to defend what even the DA confirms was a crime perpetrated by members of the FPD. How the rat Fritschie hooked up with Fullerton Stories in the first place certainly makes one think of the ever helpful FPD media contact Andrew Goodrich, and I’ll just leave it at that. I wonder what Fritschie’s reward was. A pack of smokes?
Well, Friends, these are the Third Annual Fringies®. It’s been a helluva year for you humans in Fullerton, and I thought I had it rough when my mistress was whacking me with that broomstick everyday. Still, 2012 promises to be better in so many ways.
And don’t forget Friends, the immortal words of Cassius in Julius Caesar: “the fault dear Brutus is not in our stars, but in ourselves that we are underlings.”
This is a new category for the Fringies® and will be awarded to that douchenozzle who best represents what’s really wrong with Fullerton, jumping the tracks-wise. The Nominating Committee had all sorts of trouble winnowing out the finalists, but in the end the selections were made. It wasn’t painless, no. But it was hard work that had to be done.
1. Andrew Goodrich. The swinish face of Fullerton to the media. The liar, coverup artist, and police union boss who inexplicably is still employed by the City to hand out misinformation and punish the few journalist who dare write the truth. Proof positive that the cops run the City Council, not the other way around.
2. Ex Police Chief Pat McKinley, now councilman-by-93 votes, who developed his world-view under Daryl Gates; who thinks it’s pretty much okay for cops to grope certain kinds of women, and who explained to a national audience that Kelly Thomas’ facial injuries were not life threatening.
3. Dick Ackerman. The carpetbagging slime-sack from Irvine who has millions of reasons to protect the Three Dithering Diplosaurs on the Fullerton City Council, and not one of them decent. No, basic decency has nothing to do with this political fixer, lobbyist and bagman. The sooner he is chased out of our city once and for all, the better.
4. Doc “HeeHaw” Dick Jones, the loudmouthed lout and bully who famously characterized law-abiding protesters as a “lynch-type mob” and who claimed to have seen far worse injuries than Kelly Thomas’ that were survivable. To a world-wide audience shocked at the police killing of a harmless homeless guy, Jones represented entrenched, sclerotic, ignorant authority. Those who have watched Jones in action for 15 long years saw nothing new.
Well, there are the depressing choices. And now for a flea bath and rinse.
How ashamed can one dog get? I haven’t felt so embarrassed since my mistress had my masculinity removed. Ouch. Thanks to timely reminders from some helpful Friends, I add two late entries to the Nominees in the category. They are ten and eleven. And I predict they will gain immediate support for the award.
Still images are fun and artistic, but there’s nothing quite like a little moving picture to stir up some good, clean fun. And in the popular Fringie® category of Best Video, the Nominating Committee had lots of submissions from which to choose. Some have been nominated for their auteurship, others for their comedic value – intended, or otherwise. Enjoy.
1. Back in the innocent days of May 2011 it looked like the most action this blog might see in2011 was a little fun in the sun. Here’s our admin doing a tuck and roll, Glamis-style. His ctitics will note his head goes into the sand, but that’s better than having it go up his backside a la the Three Dead Tree Stumps.
2. In June we discovered an amusing video by some entertaining FJC slackers who could tell useless architecture when they saw it. And that puts them way ahead of trustee Molly McClanahan and her pals at Fullerton Heritage. Also notice the appearance of aggrieved FPD trolls in the comments thread.
3. In July we shared the video of Fullerton cops in action, featuring Mr. Kenton Hampton beating up an innocent witness, Veth Mam, for the unforgivable act of video recording the incident. We discovered later that Mam was actually prosecuted and absolved of attacking the cops! Hampton and cohort Frank Nguyen lied on the stand that Mam had jumped on some cop’s back. No charges of perjury from the DA. Hmm.
4. At the end of July we shared the first video of the Kelly Thomas murder, a shocking revelation of the extent of the damage inflicted on the homeless man by a gang of Fullerton cops. 940,00 people have watched this video.
5. In mid-August the weekly protesters took to the streets in a defiant march from the police station to the spot in the Transportation Center where Kelly Thomas was bludgeoned to death by members of the Fullerton police department. For an hour the streets of Fullerton really belonged to us again. Power to the people!
6. In mid-September KFI radio hosts John and Ken invited Fullerton citizenry to honk at FPD HQ in protest of the ham-fisted tickets handed out by Andrew Goodrich, Barry Coffman & Co. And honk they did!
7. Sleepy Bankhead becomes an unintentional movie star.
8. Confusing our tax dollars with handing out candy to kids is nothing new for Doc HeeHaw who’s been doing it for 15 years. Here he is handing out millions of simoleons to the anti-reacall team leader, Dick Ackerman!
9. Will you please shut up!
10. Watch Fullerton cops orchestrate the Tickets for Honkers Scam (see Nominee #6, above) and enjoy union president Barry Coffman harassing a law abiding citizen. And especially notice the last bit where Mr. Desk Cop can’t find the pen hole in his own shirt. I wonder if this is symptomatic issue for Mr. Coffman. Arf!!
11. And here’s an artistic take on Mr. Goodrich & Coffman, courtesy of a creative Friend. Excessive horning? WTF? That’s stupid even to me and I’m just a dog!
Of course the most important video of 2011 is still not available for public inspection. That’s the video WE own. The killers have seen it; their bosses have seen it; the DA and his minions have seen it. But for some reason the people’s elected representatives are still not permitted to see it – denied by the people who ostensibly work for them. We now know that’s just a sham. The cops run Fullerton and thanks to the incompetence of Jones, McKinley and Bankhead they run it any damn way they please. But that’s coming to an end.
Another popular Fringie® category, Worst Vote, once again had the Nominating Committee sifting through reams of material trying to separate the ridiculous from the sublimely ridiculous. The effort was herculean, and by herculean I mean mind-numbingly depressing. And so the Committee, exhausted and babbling, climbed into a dune buggy and drove off into the cold desert night with nothing but twelve bottles of Thunderbird® and soda crackers.
Anyway here’s what they left behind.
2. In July the Fullerton School Board voted 4-1 to hire a huckster named Rudy Ruetigger to be their management retreat’s motivation speaker at $2000, a real bargain. Maybe the bargain basement price was due to the fact that the SEC was nipping at Rudy’s heels. None of the Trustees who supported this extravagance seems to have been the least bit curious about why six-figure salaries plus benefits wasn’t ample motivation for Fullerton’s educrat class.
3. In December the Three Hollow Logs on the Fullerton City Council elected one of their own, Pat McKinley, to be the back up face of Fullerton as Mayor Pro Tem. Well this is perfectly appropriate. McKinley, who makes $20,000 each and every month as a retired public employee is a poster child for runaway pension abuse in California; his insulting and ignorant comments about Kelly Thomas’ injuries, and his jaw-droppingly embarrassing views on sexual battery perpetrated by his policeman make him a perfect symbol of an entrenched, sclerotic, gerontocracy.
4. In August, as the pressure of world-wide scrutiny mounted, the City Council voted 4-1 to hire an outside contractor named Michael Gennaco to avoid doing needed to done: an immediate house cleaning. More wasted dough. An accompanying action was to create a task force on homeless issues, chaired by Rusty Kennedy, friend of cops throughout OC. The creation of this committee was the rudest diversion of all, suggesting that the real issue wasn’t an out-of-control gang of thugs, pickpockets, perjurers, and killers roaming the streets of Fullerton in police uniforms.
5. Also in August the Three Hollow Logs needed to prove they still had potent f-up mojo and awarded a multi-million dollar subsidized housing project to the clients of the guy who would become the Recall defense team leader, Dick Ackerman. Ackerman’s client St. Anton Partners who is slated to get millions of public money jumped all the way from eighth place into the driver’s seat. The Age of Miracles is not over!
6. Back in March the Three Tree Stumps voted to try to hide Redevelopment assets from the State, because, let’s face it, these so-called conservatives are hooked on government central planned boondoggles like a junkie is on black tar heroin.
7. The Fullerton School Board granted furlough days to their teachers instead of a comparatively small pay cut. Trustee and union jock strap Janny Meyer opined on face book, and we were there to share her illiterate boo-hooing.
8. Away back in April the City Council gave “acting” City Manager Joe Felz the permanent job without ever having engaged in a search. Three months later Felz would wilt like an old leaf of lettuce in the sun. Joe probably figured the job would be a breeze. After all his predecessors Chis Meyer and Jim Armstrong got away with murder (figuratively). His police force wasn’t so lucky (literally).
Due to reasonable requests from Friends for additional images, the Nominating Committee reopened the selection process and has generously included additional images for consideration.
In one of our most popular categories our Nominating Committee considered images from 2011 that aggravated our collective angst, that seared our frayed synapses, and that moved us to laughter, rage, tears, blood and sweat. Such mind-numbing work can only be assuaged by mind-numbing medication, and so the Committee found itself self-medicating frequently and without any of the controls imposed by people who control controlled substances. Controcontrolcontrolcontrolcontr…okay where was I?
Oh, yeah. Best Image Fringie® 2011. Here are your nominees:
1. Smirking police spokesorifice Andrew Goodrich. This image of utterly smug self-satisfaction, bloated self-worth, utter disdain for the civilians that pay his engorged salary and pension, and utter disdain for the truth came to symbolize a dysfunctional police department. Image and behavior in perfect synchronization. This picture is going to be hard to beat.
2. Ahoy there, matey. Back in late summer former Fullerton police sergeant Arthur Wiechmann deigned to visit our humble blog to defend the killers Ramos and Cicinelli. He left a slime trail that was quickly traced back to his own website. And what we found there was pretty creepy. In case you were wondering, yes, Swinging Loverboy is a proud member of Fullerton’s $100,000 club.
3. Until their mug shots graced world-wide news media there was no face to the cop side of the brutal beating death of Kelly Thomas. When Ramos and Cicinelli became the Faces of Fullerton to the world, the true extent of Pat McKinley’s disastrous stretch as Chief of Police became evident to all except the most delusional. If you can discern an iota of humanity in these photos, God bless you.
4. Back in September Fullerton opened it’s new library remodel and conference room. While only a few hundred feet away a “lynch-type mob” protested the murder-by-cop of an innocent man, a crazed Doc Heehaw and His Business as Usual Co. got tough with an over-sized scissors. Which just goes to show that when the going gets tough, the tough get to cutting ribbons.
5. Colonel HeeHaw as Colonel Sanders. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.
6. Boss HeeHaw as Boss Hogg. All hat and no cattle. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.
7. The She Bear, Pat McMcKinley lumbered through our collective consciousness in 2011, leaving copious amounts of She Bear scat in his wake. This picture resonated with the Nominating Committee as one of the great reflections of hypocrisy anybody could recall. See, if you’re one of Pat’s “Special Ladies,” you are not credible and your claims to have been sexually assaulted by one of McKinley’s cops is unbelievable.
8. This cheerful image of former City Manager Chris Meyer surfaced in connection with the bloatation of Fullerton’s $100,000 pension club. Meyer cashes a $14,300 pension check each and every month so he doesn’t have to worry where his next meal is coming from. As City Manager the Meyer oversaw a Fullerton Police Department that sank into its current Culture of Corruption.
9. Thanks to Friend JT for reminding us of this fun still harvested from an entertaining video about police union boss Barry Coffman handing out citations for “excessive horn honking” a new Vehicle Code violation cooked up by the Fullerton Police Department to harass protesters. For sheer overfed haplessness there’s just no getting around this image. That the haplessness is accompanied by a badge, a gun, arrogance, and self-entitlement should give all freedom-loving people cause to reflect.
10. Since Time Magazine© has named “The Protester” as Person of the Year, it seems fitting to give due notice to Kelly’s Army for their diligent two-month protest in front of the police department. To all the protesters right, left, and center who joined together, God bless you.
That’s enough abuse. Who will take home the coveted Fringie©? Stay tuned and find out!
When the sun rose on January 1, 2011, who could have foreseen the strange and disturbing circumstance that would produce a veritable cavalcade of scary ghosts from Fullerton’s olden days.
Sweet Baby Jebus!
And who knew that so many vaporous remnants of Fullerton’s horse and buggy days would be putting in appearances to remind us of the bad old days before talking pictures and x-rays.
1. First we heard the name A.B. “Buck” Catlin, supporter of the anti-recall crew, and inveterate staff stooge/big government RINO when he was on the City Council in the 1880s. Catlin was a proud supporter of every Redevelopment boondoggle in Fullerton’s history; and some that were so hare-brained even his pals wouldn’t support them. How frightful! Good Old Buck was recalled alongside Don Bankhead and Molly McClanahan for promoting a totally unnecessary utility tax. Wow, things don’t change much around here, do they? Shriek!
2. Another scary ghost reappeared to support the Three Dithering Dinosaurs: the hideous spectral phenomenon known as Linda LeQuire. Linda’s image does not appear in mirrors or photographs so you’ll just have to take our word for it. She also popped up to haunt Fullerton two years ago, so I guess we’re just going to have to get used to these biennial visitations! Brrrr!
3. Then there was the horrifying and serial re-appearances of my former, broomstick wielding mistress, Jan Flory. Like her former colleagues she too glady voted to approve an illegal 10% tax on your water bills. Even her offspring are creepy. That’s enough to make you cough up your kibble! EEK!
4. Some purists may quibble that Molly McClanahan can’t possibly be a eerie apparition since she is actually an elected member of the North Orange County Community College District Board of Trustees. But if that isn’t an insubstantial graveyard I don’t know what is. Like Catlin, and Bankhead, McClanahan was recalled in 1994 for backing that shameful utility tax; her eerie manifestation in defense of the indefensible Three Sluggish Sloths says all that need be said about this transparent emanation.
5. And finally, in 2011 we were treated to a horrifying visitation from the Great Beyond in the vacuous form of former city councilwoman Pam Keller. Don’t be fooled by any apparent substance. There’s no there, there.
First she showed up to scream union slogans into a radio show mike; later she appeared at a city council meeting in some sort of cryogenic suit. If that don’t send you shrieking into the night then I don’t know from Milk Bones. Boo!
Feel free to run screaming into the night, yourself.
Normally a non-election year would mean that the pickings for political stoogery would be pretty slim. But 2011 is not a normal non-election year, and the advent of a vigorous Recall campaign has produced that rarest of phenomena: the Off-year Stooge. And so we present the Fringie® nominees in the next category: Creepiest Political Stooge 2011.
The Nominating Committee labored long and hard to come up with the nominees, and we owe them a sincere debt of gratitude. For it could not have been easy pondering the visages and miscreance of these small-town hacks and poltroons. And that may explain the 11 empty bottles of akavit laying around the Editorial Boardroom floor the next morning.
1. Right out of the chute the Anti-recall forces deployed the limited talents of the unctuous Jim Alexander to attack the character of the Recall leader. Alexander is a reptilian homunculus with a reputation as a small-time bag man for developers who want to grease the City Council.
2. Then the same group of uberklowns engaged a four-foot tall gnome-fossil named Bill Gillespie to annoy the FPPC with a hollow complaint drummed up by Dick Ackerman, ironnically the subject of a legitimate FPPC complaint himself for illegal lobbying!
3. But they weren’t done. Next they employed the oleaginous services of Anthony “Big Tony” Florentine to lodge yet another empty complaint with the FPPC. You remember this paragon of virtue, right? He’s the guy who built an addition to his bar on a public sidewalk and got the City Council – including Dick Jones and Don Bankhead – to go along with the hijacking.
4. And finally we come to Larry Bennett, the moral bellwether of the anti-recall campaign; a man who earnestly pretends to care about such things as probity and honesty, and yet who lends his name to the worst prevarications cooked up by the amphibio-pus sac, Dave Ellis, and who oversees a website that is nothing more than a pathetic collection of outright lies only made amusing by the unintentional comedic value of the amateur site.
Bennett has distinguished himself by challenging Fullerton water rate payers to find evidence of the hidden illegal 10% tax on their water bills. Of course they can’t find it. It’s hidden, jackass. It’s not on the water bill. And that’s why it’s illegal.
These are your nominees. There will be no winners, only losers. Until we have a Recall, that is.
Sweet, iridescent, radioactive Jebus, how can one choose from such a wealth of material? 2011 may never be surpassed for dumb stuff uttered by our representatives. The Nominating Committe ruminated long and hard to come up with the nominees. And by ruminating long and hard I mean they did major bong rips into the wee hours. And speaking of wee, here are your nominees.
1.You want dumb? How about when Doc HeeHaw exclaimed that he had seen far worse injuries than Kelly Thomas’ in ‘Nam that were survivable?
2. And then there was this pearl from F. Dick, likening the peaceful Kelly Thomas killing protesters to “a lynch-type mob.” Ouch.
3. The Nominating Committee insisted that King Don Bankhead the First be recognized for the idiotic statement that Fullerton would “biterally” be a ghost town without Redevelopment, and then lying about having said it! Oops! Caught on video!
4. Not to be out done by his superannuated colleagues, the comparatively spry Pat McPension uttered perhaps the stupidest and most odious comment of all, when, after noting he had gotten “bloused” eyes himself, claiming that Kelly’s facial injuries were not life threatening.
5. Then, of course, there was the breathtakingly stupid utterance at the Soroptomist She Bear Pow-wow that left everyone speechless, essentially insinuating that perv-cop Albert Rincon’s victims deserved what they got, and in any case sexual battery by a cop “ain’t a dangerous thing.” Well, actually, hardly anyone was speechless after that.
6. And finally, to round out our nominees, the committee just couldn’t overlook the predictably irrelevant observation from councilwoman Sharon Quirk-Silva that homeless people really need socks. Yes, Sharon, they probably do, and many other things, besides. But they would also appreciate not being beaten to death for no reason by your police force, if it’s not too much trouble.
Well Friends, them’s yer nominees in this all-important Fringie® category. Feel free to opine in the comments thread, as always!
Yes, Friends, it’s that time of year again when we announce the nominations for the 3rd Annual Fringie Awards®, followed by the decisions by our esteemed selection committee.
Announcement of the nominees in all of the exciting categories will commence on Monday, so be sure to stay tuned for all of the fun.
If this doesn’t make you want to go lift your leg on a Fullerton fire hydrant or city councilman, then there is definitely something wrong with you.