The Ackerman Hillbillies

hillbillies14
Get ready y'all, we're a-comin', we're a-comin'!!

(Sung to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies” theme song.)

Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Dick,
A rich senateer, with a veneer just like brick.
Then one day when he’s shootin’ for a blog,
His current zip code blew away all the fog.

Nice house…
Garden’s well-tended…
Don’t look like the 72nd…

While up in Sacramento a feller named Duvall,
Did some heavy breathin’ in the microphone for all,
To hear how he’s been rulin’ for the public right,
And spankin’ those lobbyists long into the night.

Gotta keep on top of ’em…
Give ’em an inch…
They’ll still want more…

Well the first thing you know Dick’s wife has dyed her hair,
Their neighbors said, “Linda, move away from there!”
Up north in Fullerton’s the place you ought to be!”
So they’re packin’ up their bags, getting ready to flee.

Far north OC…
BBQs…
Pork and beans…

Seems his wife wants to pick up where old Dick left off,
Livin’ high in Fullerton, feedin’ from the trough,
They’d like another house, if their landing can be soft,
A mansion, a bungalow, or even a loft.

Anything will do…
Don’t need much…
Just more votes…
Bring ’em on in…

So think about these tales when it come time to vote,
Makes it hard to swallow, like something in your throat,
If Dick and Linda try to make a power grab,
Let’s send ’em back to Irvine with their velvet carpetbag!

Y'all don't come back now, y'hear?
Y'all don't come back now, y'hear?

72nd Assembly Special Election Watch

UPDATE: AS OF THE END OF BUSINESS ON 9/25 A FEW OTHER NAMES POPPED UP ON THE ROV SITE THEY ARE:

JAMES GERBUS (R)

JOHN MACMURRAY (D)

BRAIN LEE CROSS (L)

GRANT PETRUZELLI (R)

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF MACMURRAY WHO RAN AGAINS DUVALL LAST TIME WE HAVEN’T HEARD OF ANY OF THESE PEOPLE. AS OF 9/26/ LINDA ACKERMAN STILL LIVES IN IRVINE.

Dear Friends, if you visit this handy OC Registrar of Voters webpage you can follow the status of who’s doing what:

http://www.ocvote.com/election/72ndpri/lookup.asp

As you can see, at this point only three would-be candidates have picked up their nominating papers: Chris Norby, Sharon Quirk-Silva, and Jane Rands. They are registered Republican, Democrat, and Green, respectively.

So where’s the candidate we’ve been talking about lately, Irvine’s own Linda Ackerman? Well, according to the rules you can’t take out your papers if you don’t live in the district. As stated on the ROV website:

Any candidate for Assembly must be a United States citizen and be a registered voter and otherwise qualified to vote for that office at the time nomination papers are issued to the person;

So we believe we can safely assume that Mrs. Ackerman has yet to find a plausible fake residence in the 72nd district – of which her Irvine home in a secret, gated community is not a part.

Well you can't find a nice place in a dump like Fullerton overnight!
Well you can't find a nice place in a dump like Fullerton overnight!

Dick Ackerman’s Legacy: a Hideous Monster

Oh my God! Kill it!
Oh my God! Kill it before it reproduces!

UPDATE: SINCE THIS POST WAS FIRST PUBLISHED ON JUNE 11, A LOT HAS HAPPENED. AS AN ONGOING PUBLIC SERVICE TO HIGHLIGHT THE BEHAVIOR AND HABITS OF THE ACKERMAN FAMILY WE RE-POST THIS ITEM. WE NOTE THAT IT PRESCIENTLY DESCRIBES THE ACKERMAN FAMILIES EXODUS TO IRVINE.

Some observant folks might inquire as to why a map of the 33rd State Senate District is such an ungainly looking thing. Why is Fullerton attached to the rest of it by the narrowest of territorial filaments?  Who thinks that the constituents of Fullerton should or want to be represented in the State Senate by the same person representing people who live in Laguna Niguel and Ladera; or vice versa, for that matter? Our old friend Dick Ackerman, that’s who.

Wikipedia diplomatically describes the cause of the 33rd’s odd shape as redistricting – driven by “population growth” in South Orange County. Frankly, this description is just too idiotic to contemplate. The entry omits the key member of that southward population growth – Dick Ackerman – former Fullerton Councilman and State Assemblyman, who ran for the old 33rd senate seat in 2000 after he had already moved out of Fullerton. Can anybody believe the inclusion of Ackerman’s old Fullerton stomping grounds in what is otherwise an eastern and southern county district, is the result of an objective redistricting? Or could it be that a lot of deal making was going on in the cut and paste creation of AB632 that established the new senate districts?

He looks a little better with soft lighting...
Dick's district looks a little better with soft lighting...

Also of note is that upside down wedge of the 34th District that intrudes north of the 91 with an odd little projection that stretches up to Raymond and Chapman. A coincidence? Maybe, if you believe in such fantasies as tooth fairies and political coincidences. Here’s a map you Friends can zoom in on:

Live and learn.

Interestingly enough, if Dick A sought to warn off challengers through these district boundaries, he needn’t have bothered. He won election in 2000 with about 65% of the vote; in 2004 he got 69%. We got fellow district denizens in the Capistrano Valley. Well, maybe Dick just liked visiting his old pals in Fullerton while toting an impressive job title. Who knows? The upshot is that we are now represented by one Mimi Walters who hails from South County.

By the way, Loyal Friends, here’s how the pros did it in the old days:

The original gerry.mander
The original gerrymander. Are you our daddy?

Moby Dick Writ Anew?

I wonder what Chris Norby is doing right now...
I wonder what Chris Norby is doing right now...

We have been wondering of late just what kind of personality engages in the sort of obsessive, seemingly pathological hatred one politico demonstrates to another. Specifically we have in mind the abysmal, enduring, and apparently limitless abhorrence that former State Senator and Irvine resident Dick Ackerman holds for County Supervisor (and Fullerton resident) Chris Norby.

This bottomless well of antipathy even seems to extend so deep as the promotion of Dick’s wife, Linda to run against Norby for the 72nd State Assembly seat, an assembly district that the Ackermans don’t even live in, having fled nine years ago for the greener fields of a “secret gated community” in Irvine.

We’re sort of baffled by this bitter bile and animus Ackerman holds for Norby, and so we called upon the expert opinion of Dr. Reinhold Ott of the Schwabian Institut fur Psychologie in Tubingen, Germany, and FFFF on-call staff analyst.

Dr. Ott
The penetrating gaze of Dr. Reinhold Ott

The case study that you have suggested is most interesting to me as both a psychiatrist and a student of American literature. Of course I may only speak in generalities based upon the facts that you have presented, not having met the principals in the case.

It seems clear to me that there is an obvious case of obsessive compulsive hatred involved on the part of Mr. Ackerman. The source of this animosity may be related to a variety of causes including early rejection and power fixation; there is certainly an element of uncontrolled paranoid megalomania involved and, perhaps a love-hate relationship between himself and the object of his apparent hatred. Dr. Freud identified this “Cain and Abel” syndrome early on in certain cases; and clinical studies in the United States involving Rhesus monkeys and Bonoabo chimps have demonstrated similar tendencies.

I would draw your attention to the great pyschological novel by Herman Melville, Moby Dick, to demonstrate a classical example of  this obsessive lust for hatred, revenge, and of course, eventual disaster. 

Well, call me Ishmael!

Ackerman Phone Call Intercepted!

Gee it looks just like an ordinary van!
Gee it looks just like an ordinary van!

Our field operatives have just recently intercepted a phone conversation between former State Senator Dick Ackerman and GOP PR flack Jon Fleischman, the producer of the now infamous “2007 Holiday Greeting” in which Fleischman identifies Ackerman’s house as located in a “secret, gated community” in Irvine.

As our Friends are aware, this video came at a sensitive time, as Ackerman’s wife is attempting to offer her services to the residents of an assembly district (ours) in which she does not live – yet. Fleischman pulled the video off Youtube – but too late! It had already been snagged by video enthusiasts the world over.

The quality of the phone conversation recording is poor, perhaps due to the multitude of wires in the Ackerman’s topiary gardens; so poor in fact, that it is not effective to reproduce it; however our audio reconstruction department staff have analyzed it at length and have produced the nearly believable transcript below:

(phone ringing)

Fleischman: Hello?

Ackerman: Yeah, (grunting sound) Fleischman, this is Dick Ackerman!

F: Senator, how are you? How is your lovely –

A: Cut the crap, you donkey. That lame-ass movie you made is still on the internet. That bastard Norby got Bushala and Pedroza to do blog whaddyacallits. Now everybody in the 72nd knows we live in Irvine. I never should have let you through the gate.

F: Gee, I sure feel bad about that, Senator. I wish there was something –

A: And another thing what was all that fat-mouth bullshit about a “secret gated community” and “doing pretty well as a legislator?”

F: Um, well…um…

A: Now get off your fat ass and pull that video (snorting and grunting sounds).

F: Gee, Senator I’m not a lawyer, but it’s on Youtube, you know, in the public domain. It’s gonna be hard, you know, to –

A: You’re goddam right you’re not a lawyer. So shut up and do it. Get rid of it. Now.

F: Well, okay Senator, I sure am sorry about all this, you know how I feel about you and um, Linda.

A:  (more grunting sounds) That bastard Norby’s behind this. Well, his days are numbered.

F: Yes, sir. He’s not a real conservative, like us, and he’ll do anything to get elected.

A: (snarling sounds) There’s a strange van out behind the tennis court. Now get off the phone you jackass and make that goddam thing go away (static).

Councilwoman Sharon Quirk-Silva Throws Hat in the Ring for the 72nd

Quirk

Fullerton Councilwoman Sharon Quirk-Silva sent me a text message  that read; “To my favorite blogger (I like the sound of that) I am officially running for the 72nd Assembly seat”.

This is good news for Fullerton Democrats that care about having a principled Democrat in the race. There appears to be another Democrat in the race from Placentia, but Sharon Quirk-Silva has a high profile here in Fullerton, and Fullerton is a much bigger chunk of the 72nd.

Quirk-Silva is now firmly opposed to redevelopment boondoggles. She recently opposed the bogus redevelopment expansion and had the courage to change her vote on the $6 million McDonald’s redevelopment giveaway/boondoggle.

So far, of all the candidate’s websites, I think she has the best. Here’s the link.

ACKERMAN RESIDENCE REVEALED! THEN COVERED UP AGAIN!

Shhh! it's a secret!
Shhh! it's a secret!

Earlier today we shared an amusing youtube clip fashioned by none other than Jon Fleishman, OCs most notorious GOP boot lick (if you don’t count Jerbal Cunningham). In it he visits the Ackerman Family McMansion within a “secret gated community” in Irvine. Irvine?! A few hours later that clip was removed from public access. Gee, we sure wonder why!

Mrs. Ackerman wants to be OUR elected representative in Sacramento. And she lives in Irvine? Well, clearly the Ackerman clan is going to have to dummy up a fake residence somewhere in the 72nd Assembly District so that the missus can qualify to run for office.

Heh-heh. I'll be back in Irvine by Thanksgiving.
Heh-heh. I'll be back in Irvine by Thanksgiving.

But really, what kind of a decent candidacy can possibly be based on spite and mendacity? That question sort of answers itself.

Well, We Know Where They Live!

UPDATE: APPARENTLY THE ACKERMAN MOB DOESN”T WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THEY LIVE IN A “SECRET GATED COMMUNITY” IN IRVINE. THE YOU TUBE CLIP HAS BEEN REMOVED.

Check out where the Ackermans really live! And they seem to think we want the Mrs. representing us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTc_kJBmUkY

A “secret gated community.” In Irvine!

And we thank OC GOP hack and former Mike Carona flack Jon Fleischman for all his hardwork producing this 2007 holiday greeting!

Dick Ackerman For 4th District Supervisor?

 

What a guy...
What a guy...

Lost in the brouhaha over his wife’s sudden carpetbagging political ambitions in the 72nd State Assembly special election is the curious fact that Dick Ackerman is very likely going to be a resident soon of the 4th Supervisorial District.

We’re not real sure yet where the Ackermans have decided to take up their faux residence, but chances are pretty good it will be back in Dick’s old happy hunting grounds, surrounded by the love of all his old Fullerton Rotarian pals. And if he does “move” to Fullerton he would be able to throw his hat in the ring for termed-out Supervisor Chris Noby’s job.

Far-fetched? Well, maybe. But the Ackermans seem to be the type of folks who avoid leaving anything on the table, so Shawn Nelson would be well-advised to watch his back…

Mrs. Ackerman Goes Negative @ GOP Central Committee

Oh yeah. It's gonna get ugly. Real ugly.
Oh yeah. It's gonna get ugly. Real ugly.

Our Friend Allan Bartlett who happens to be an OC GOP Central Committee member reports that an anonymous flier was passed out at last night’s meeting attacking Chris Norby – for the bogus sexual harassment suit (filed by a County employee fired for misfeasance), and for allegedly saying bad things about Mexicans.

Bartlett says Mrs. Dick Ackerman (who is going to run against Norby for the 72nd Assy seat) denied any knowledge of the flier, but he’s not buying that, and neither are we. She already let the cat out of the bag that others will be doing her dirty work for her- most likely her old man who has a natural flair for it. So be it.

As we have said the harassment thing was conjured up out of malice. As far as discriminatory comments about Mexicans is concerned, two thoughts come to mind: first, Norby may have his faults, but he is one of the least prejudiced people on the planet Earth; second that such a charge would be brought up at the forum of the OC GOP Central Committee meeting is just hilarious. How could anybody think that was going to hurt Norby at that venue!

When word of that flier gets out it might actually help Norby win the Raymond Hills GOP Bluehair vote!

Some of my best friends are Mexicans. Like my gardener and my house cleaner.
Some of my best friends are Mexicans. Like my gardener and my house cleaner.