2016 Fringie© Nominations Are In!

The backswing is a bitch…

Dear Friends. You probably believe you don’t deserve to have the Fringies© inflicted upon you. You are wrong. In a democracy you humans get the sort of government you deserve – every time.   Now, whether you believe you have a democracy in Fullerton is a discussion for another day.

Anyway, quit yer bitching. You never heard me complaining when my mistress was in a mood and the broom was out.

In the next few days I will present to you a hoary, old FFFF Holiday Season tradition – the Fringie Awards©, starting with the all important nominations. Obviously the brief period of our re-animation means that the award categories this year will be somewhat abbreviated.   But don’t blame me. I’ve been biding my time in Doggie Heaven for almost four human years waiting for you to call upon my services.


The Mayor Game!


Yes, Favored Friends! It’s time once again to play…The Mayor Game!

Every December our illustrious city council elevates one of their own to assume the august tile “Mayor.” The Mayor of Fullerton gets to preside at meetings and that’s about it. Almost a kind of booby prize if you think about it. And yet our elected representatives lust after the title, particularly if there is an election the following November.

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown...
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown…

For years the selection was fraught with political tension as the repuglican old guard, orchestrated by the odious Dick Ackerman contrived to keep Dems (and Chris Norby) from ascension to this lofty estate.  In recent years though, the process has become less political. The Council even adopted a process for non-partisan rotation in which it would be the turn of the that person serving longest without wearing the bejeweled tiara. This process is not enshrined in any law or code. It’s just sort of a Gentleman’s Agreement between people who really don’t trust each other – and for good reason.

The humble office of Mayor Pro Tem serves as the approach to the green and thence the flag.

Will the bonhomie last?

It was a rough landing...
It was not a smooth landing…

The current Mayor Pro Tem is my broomstick-wielding former mistress, Jan Flory, who will mercifully be out of office in a week or so. This means that it is Councilman Bruce Whitaker’s turn to shimmy up the greasy pole. Whitaker became mayor in the Fall of 2012, but it wasn’t without nervousness since it was well known that Flory and Bud Chaffee opposed him. But Jennifer Fitzgerald was given a directive and fell into line. But that was then.

What, me worry?
What, me worry?


Another wrinkle this time is that both Whitaker and Fitzgerald are rumored to be seeking the job of 4th District County Supervisor in 2018, and running with title of mayor next year would be just dandy, at least according to conventional wisdom.

So will the new council stick to its own policy or will they dump it? Will the new guy, Jesus Silva go along, or will he cut a deal with Fitzgerald and Chaffee to the exclude Whitaker? In the past it was not uncommon for councilmembers to gin up any stupid sort of excuse to keep the incumbent in place for another year.

In the end what it takes is three votes, and everything else is eyewash.

And now I must to attend to my nether parts.

The 2012 Fringies© Are Finally Here


Yes, my human Friends on Earth, 2012 is not yet over and this provides me with a final opportunity to bring to you what you desire: the Friends For Fullerton’s Future Annual Fringie© Awards.

It’s been a long, tough year of ups and downs and believe me, as a regular recipient of broomstick whackings from my former mistress, I know tough.

This year’s version will be, of necessity abbreviated since I have spent the past month undergoing a series of painful distemper treatments. And so I leap straight into the awards.

Let me tell you: not looking for evidence is a superb way of not finding any.
All that criminal stuff was just the result of complaceny.

In the category of Most Egregious Whitewashes there really was no competition. Register writer Lou Ponsi and the wanker who publishes FullertonStories were simply outgunned by the ridiculous “Gennaco” Report, a notorious mutual stroke-job between the City and the obscenely expensive stooge it hired to help make the Kelly Thomas murder go away. The various secretions of this pabulum outdid one another in saying nothing and studiously avoid naming names and demanding accountability. Too bad. But we know who did what and we know what it is: A Culture of Corruption.

Daylight hours were being lost.
Daylight hours were being lost.

In the category of Worst Political Campaign, the selection committee had no choice but to give the Fringie© to none other than Former Assemblyman Chris Norby, who took a sure thing and managed to unmanage his way into unemployment. Was it his political expert, John Lewis who let him down? Was it the tsunami of last minute hate pieces mailed out by the unions and crony-capitalists? Was it his own lethargy? Whatever. Norby has a massive pension and doesn’t need our sympathy.

The Best. The Brightest.
The Best? The Brightest?

FFFF added a new category this year, Biggest F-U From The FPD. There have been many instances of the usual arrogant claptrap, the one instance that caught the selection committee’s eye was the promotion of the egregious Andrew Goodrich, the department spokeshole who has been peddling self-serving half truths and outright fabrications for years as FPD P(Mis)IO. If any single gesture signaled that there was no internal self-reflection or repentence in the aftermath of the Thomas killing and the falsehoods peddled by Goodrich, this was it; and, also a sure sign that the continued reign of error will go on. Even Dan Hughes admitted it was a communications failure; and the failure was promoted. Got it?

Chaffee Gets a Hat
Six more weeks of winter…

In the past, the Fringie© for Best Video was awarded for videos that were intentionally funny. But in 2012 the committee was forced to admit that the most entertaining video was created as a serious campaign effort by none other than Doug Chaffee. The portentous music followed by the dyed hair, cracking voice and the milquetoast pronouncements were worth their weight in gold, revelation-wise. You can watch it again, here.


Best Political Campaign 2012. This Fringie© was a tough one. Perhaps because nobody hit her in a year of rancorous politics, Jennifer Cowan-Fitzgerald did very well, indeed. Well, you have to give credit where credit is due; and sometimes doing nothing, saying nothing, and standing for nothing is the best way to get elected. It used to be like that in Fullerton, and maybe is again.

A co-winner is in order, of course, to recognize the campaign conducted by Tony Bushala, a local hero, to root out the disease in the body politic known as the Three Dead Tree Stumps. And so we recognize the Great Fullerton Recall of 2012 that laid a 2-1 whumpin’ on the Ancient Regime.

I'll turn any trick for five bucks and a bottle of two-buck chuck.
I’ll turn any trick for five dollars and a bottle of Two-buck Chuck.

The Lowest Political Political Prostitute Fringie© was an easy call for the panel. Despite the nauseating spectacle of Jan Flory and Rick Alvarez clinging to the FPOA in a diseased, chancrous lip-lock, we just had to acknowledge the whorish spectacle of former conservative State Sentator Dick Ackerman (R-Irvine)  making pro-union robocalls to try to keep Fullerton in permanent thrall to its overpriced, unaccountable gang of cops.

 Gregory A. Diamond attorney candidate-thumb-311x364

The Best Image0f 2012 Fringie© was another category with keen competition particularly given the political resurrection of my former mistress. However, in the end, the selection committee chose a picture that sublimely captures the essence of the unemployable, ego-driven loser who finds reward in the world of political blogging instead of gainful employment. And so we chose Big, Fat, Naked Dude In Front of the Monitor, an image that is only missing the giant, super-family-size sack of Doritos®.

Go ahead, skinny, make my day.
Go ahead, skinny, make my day.

And speaking of super-size, as a consolation prize we also award a Fringie© to this jaw-dropping image of  Corpulent Fullerton Corporal at the Anaheim cop-induced riots, an image that succinctly captures the essence of the Culture of Corruption: overarmed, overweight, and under accountable.

Jan Florys Head
May the horse be with you…

In 2012 the Scariest Ghost of Fullerton Past Fringie© could only go to one creature – my former mistress, Jan Flory. As other relics of the last Ice Age disappeared from the political biosphere, the septuagenarian Flory returned, proving that there was plenty of bitter bile left in the bottom of the bag. Watching Mrs. Flory vote for Bruce Whitaker to be your new mayor was pure delight. Now watch out for the broomstick, Bruce!

Well, they are The Heart of the City!
Well, they are The Heart of the City!

Speaking of Flory, here is the winner of the Best Campaign Sign of 2012, a terse yet eloquent reminded of who Flory will work for now that she has managed to slither back into office.


Finally, the Best Hope For Fullerton’s Future Fringie© goes to Mayor Bruce Whitaker, who has spent most of his adult life fighting for honesty, transparency, and integrity in Fullerton government. Now more than ever you will need Mr. Whitaker to keep an eye on the doings of the cops and bureaucrats as they try ever so hard to re-write the history of Fullerton in 2011 and 2012, as they try to deny you a refund for the illegal water tax they stole, and as they apply pressure to their friends on the Council to make up for all the hardships they’ve had to endure.

This year we pass out no Special Fringies© of either approbation or opprobrium. We would give them to the same people we did last year.


Sellers Sighting in Pasadena

He keeps popping up like a bad penny. It’s Iron Mike Sellers at the Rose Bowl.

That’s right, Fullerton’s former top cop who let Pat McPension’s Neanderthal goons run amok, and who, when the chips were down took 1) a vacation, 2) a tummy ache medical leave, and 3) a disability retirement and massive pension with thanks and well-wishes of the Albert Pujols of City mangers, Joe Felz.

Jan Flory Confirms: Her Dog is Dead! Well, I Knew That!

You heard it directly from the horse’s mouth, although I wish she’d got my moniker right.

My former mistress sure is worked up about that booze thing, and I don’t know why; she never seemed too concerned about it before. That long, painful explanation was almost as bad as a big swig of cheap vodka.

Walking the straight and narrow…

And hey, I am sitting down up here in doggie Heaven and I have to say that the idea of Mr. Kiger getting a nickle, let alone four grand a month “working” for this blog is a preposterous prevarication. Of course such remuneration would have to be reported on the financial interest forms all city council members have to fill out.

Since Ms. Flory cannot produce a shred of evidence to support her story, some folks might think an apology will be forthcoming for libeling a political opponent.

The backswing is a bitch…

But don’t hold your breath. You are much more likely to receive a swat from that damn broomstick! And yes, I do believe I went to my reward right around 1985!

A Day at the Races

Here is a snapshot of a gaggle of Jan Flory supporters proudly wearing their T-shirts at Los Alamitos Racetrack! How they got a T shirt on the that old nag is anybody’s guess.

See if you can find the old nag.

I don’t know who the [dopey looking] guy is on the far right, but the bald, beady-eyed gent in the back is F. “Paul” Dudley, Jan Flory’s old drinking buddy. He’s the creep who gave away the public sidewalk to the Florentine mob, and who played a pivotal role in every single Jan Flory approved boondoggle from 1994 through 2002.

Whirlaway. Win, place or show?

It’s hard to imagine these people getting their greasy mitts on any sort of authority in Fullerton again. But what to I know? I’m just a dead dog. And Don Bankead is running again!