Barney Wewak Condemns Carpetbaggers

Dear Readers, we have just received a communication from our old Friend – 1974 Troy High School exchange student and Papuan Highlands tribe Headman, B’rni “Barney” Wewak, who opines on the subject of political carpetbaggers. The text has been faithfully translated from the original Sepik dialect, as ever, by the FFFF Australo/Oceania Languages and Linguistics Department .

Barney Wewak shares the wisdom of his ancestors...

Greetings, dear friends in beautiful Southern California, where a beneficent sun shines warmly upon the succulent bosoms of your beautiful womenfolk and luscious orange fruit is plucked freely from every tree!

News has reached me that in your upcoming election for County Headman, the people of my wonderful adopted Fullerton have been plagued by a swarm of outsiders pretending to be your friends and who want to lead you. Do not be fooled for an instant! These people are like the flies on an open wound. Parasites! Interlopers! When they are done feasting on your harvest of taro and your reserve of tapir flesh, they will certainly move on, seeking other choice banquets and leaving your tribe starving and bereft.

And so I urge you to reject these foul miscreants and send them back to their own wretched tribes wherever those may be. Be always mindful to protect your honor and the honor of your ancestors who ever look down upon your deeds.

And so farewell, Friends. May the tree bark grubs fall effortlessly onto your banana leaf; may your women remain fertile and generous; and may the sweet mangoes be always plentiful.

Barney Wewak D. Lit, Cantab.

5 Replies to “Barney Wewak Condemns Carpetbaggers”

  1. Barney, I really miss those days hanging out with you on the quad at THS, we sure had fun.

    Thank you so much for your wisdom and encouraging words.

    Hope to see you soon, Brozza T

  2. Wewak, almost 40 years later and THS has not had a small forward with a quicker first step than you. Great to hear from you. I’ll send those fishing hooks we talked about and I can include those Nike’s if you want them. Let me know

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