Tag Archives: DTF

Fullerton to Build DTF Love Shack Hotel

In the continuing stream of solutions to questions no one asked, one of the last actions taken by the current lame duck City Council tomorrow will be the approval of an “exclusive negotiating agreement” to build a boutique hotel in the Fullerton Transportation Center.

As everyone knows, Downtown Fullerton needs three things to be more successful:

  1. Less Parking
  2. More alcohol
  3. More places to have sex

Well, here we go! A triple threat project that eliminates 200 parking spaces, probably includes at least one bar, and will be within stumbling distance for hundreds of coeds each weekend who find the alley behind Zings too piss soaked to properly canoodle.

No word if the proposed Love Shack will have vibrating mattresses, but being immediately adjacent to  one of the busiest freight rail corridors in the country ought to provide plenty of stimulation.

We think the BNSF 2:30AM heading out to Albuquerque will be particularly popular with those who are DTF.

Choo-Choo. All aboard!

T-REX WANT TO PARTY, TOO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T-REX NEED HELP TO DRINK BEER. TINY BOTTLE NO REACH MOUTH.

FULLERTON SPEND NEARLY $100,000 THIS WEEKEND FOR POLICE OFFICERS TO HELP PEOPLE DRINK DOWNTOWN.

POLICE WILL HELP TWO BARS CLOSE THEN REOPEN BECAUSE LINE TOO LONG AT BAR.

POLICE WILL HELP THREE PEOPLE OFF STREET BECAUSE BEER MAKE IT HARD TO DRIVE.

POLICE WILL HELP FOUR PEOPLE TO BED BECAUSE BEER MAKE THEM PASS OUT IN BUSHES.

POLICE WILL HELP FIVE PEOPLE TO CALM DOWN AND NOT FIGHT OVER BAR BILL.

POLICE WILL HELP SIX PEOPLE FIND BAR BECAUSE BEER MADE THEM GET LOST AND DRINK IN PARKING LOT.

 

POLICE HELP ALL THESE PEOPLE DRINK BEER FOR $5,000,000 EACH YEAR.

WHY POLICE NO BUY T-REX A STRAW?

T-REX WANT TO PARTY, TOO.

Fish This: Fullerton Bars Need More Drunks

Naw, I done that myself…

You can’t make this stuff up.

At the last Fullerton City Council Meeting, a posse of local bar owners demanded that the city council allow them to stuff more drunken twenty somethings into their bars.  They went so far as to claim their businesses were suffering because Fullerton’s FIRE CODE prevented them from making as much money as their peers in neighboring cities.

The response from our elected city council?

Absolutely.  More drunks.  And it was unanimous.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  You’ve been to downtown Fullerton on a Friday night.  You’ve seen young ladies puking on the sidewalk outside of the Tuscany Club at 9pm.  You’ve seen young men getting into brawls behind Joe’s at 10:30.  And you’ve seen the rivers of piss and vomit trickling into the parking lot behind Matador early in the morning.  It all just glistens in the moonlight.

And of course a grand night out in historic downtown Fullerton wouldn’t be complete without a stabbing outside of the Continental Room, shootings on Santa Fe, and the drunk driving, more drunk driving, inevitably more drunk driving, and . . . did we say the drunk driving?

But hey, we need more drunks!  According to Fullerton Bar owners (and I’m not making this up):

Under the current situation, if coming to historic downtown becomes a negative experience for patrons because they can’t get into restaurants and bars and they are uncomfortable with the crowded streets, sidewalks, and parking lots; they may go to other cities that offer a more positive experience.  As a result, if business owners income’s (sic) decrease to where they are not profitable, some will have to close.

Wait, some of the 50 odd bars in downtown Fullerton will have to close if we keep the FIRE CODE as it is?

GOOD!  And don’t the the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Because let’s be honest.  More people in bars means one thing: MORE DRUNKS.

Instead of caving into the Bar owners who profit on littering our streets and alleys with vomit and excrement each weekend, perhaps our city council should finally take a small step to restore civility.

Let’s not amend the fire code to allow for more drunks drinking.  Let’s keep it exactly how it is and how about we shut down any bar that exceeds its occupancy limit down for a month.  Fullerton’s current practice allows a bar caught breaking the law to reopen on the same night.

Betcha didn’t know that.

What do you think  Fullerton?  Do you want more drunks?  Let your city council know how you feel about their vote, 5-0, to give you more of this, this, and this.

But hey, we’re just a bunch of malcontents.  Maybe more of this, this, and this is exactly what you want.

Congratulations Fullerton Bar Owners.  You went fishing for a handout and caught the means to finally bring some order to the shit show that is Saturday night.