Grass Begone

The City of Fullerton has decided that the lawn in front of City Hall has to go. Why? It’s obvious. Grass is a symbol of conspicuous waste, consuming scarce water and providing discomfort to people who believe in self-flagellation as a form of moral rectitude.

There used to be a shallow reflecting pool in front of the building that has been modestly covered up to display the right kind of environmental sensibility. The blame is laid at the feet of the Legislature, but no definition of “functional” is forthcoming.

The City has promulgated a call for ideas from the citizenry in a press release a couple of weeks ago. Re-imagine the municipal front yard! A blank slate! A blue sky! Presumably your idea will save water and respect the ecosystem, etc., etc.

I could make the pitch that the reflecting pool, steps and lawn were part of a neo-formal aesthetic that went along with the 1962 building, but that would be a waste of my time and yours. Somebody has decided that the pool and the grass is offensive to modern sensibility, and provides an opportunity to engage the public in a feel-good Kabuki drama.

My guess is “Dr.” Shana Charles is an enthusiastic supporter of this. It’s right up her alley. City staff don’t give a rat’s ass about conserving water use – Hell, the City gets its water for free from the Water Fund. When they waste it, they raise our rates. And raising our rates also raises the in-lieu fee charge, which is just sweet icing on the General Fund cake.

The City uses water everywhere – from all the parks to street medians, to all the City facilities, and nobody is keeping track of the waste or the cost. If they are, they sure aren’t reporting it to the public.

The water needed to green the lawn in front of City Hall is a miniscule percentage of overall municipal use.

Okay, let’s put in a cactus garden; or decomposed granite terraces for bocce ball courts. What the Hell. The world is our oyster! The more expensive, the better. No one will ever compare the cost of revision vs. the savings of decreased water use. We’ll charge it all to the Water Fund! We don’t pay the pay the water fees, the suckers do!

This is one of those pantomimes in which the ideologues get to exculpate themselves for our sins. City staff knows this; they also know that either way there’s time and material to be wasted. However, conducting a public dog-and-pony show – a public empowerment farce – is irresistible. And since there’s zero accountability, if whatever choice pursued fails, they can bank on the inevitable and costly remediation of what they just did.

No embarrassing questions will be asked or answered.