Normally a non-election year would mean that the pickings for political stoogery would be pretty slim. But 2011 is not a normal non-election year, and the advent of a vigorous Recall campaign has produced that rarest of phenomena: the Off-year Stooge. And so we present the Fringie® nominees in the next category: Creepiest Political Stooge 2011.
The Nominating Committee labored long and hard to come up with the nominees, and we owe them a sincere debt of gratitude. For it could not have been easy pondering the visages and miscreance of these small-town hacks and poltroons. And that may explain the 11 empty bottles of akavit laying around the Editorial Boardroom floor the next morning.
1. Right out of the chute the Anti-recall forces deployed the limited talents of the unctuous Jim Alexander to attack the character of the Recall leader. Alexander is a reptilian homunculus with a reputation as a small-time bag man for developers who want to grease the City Council.
2. Then the same group of uberklowns engaged a four-foot tall gnome-fossil named Bill Gillespie to annoy the FPPC with a hollow complaint drummed up by Dick Ackerman, ironnically the subject of a legitimate FPPC complaint himself for illegal lobbying!
3. But they weren’t done. Next they employed the oleaginous services of Anthony “Big Tony” Florentine to lodge yet another empty complaint with the FPPC. You remember this paragon of virtue, right? He’s the guy who built an addition to his bar on a public sidewalk and got the City Council – including Dick Jones and Don Bankhead – to go along with the hijacking.
4. And finally we come to Larry Bennett, the moral bellwether of the anti-recall campaign; a man who earnestly pretends to care about such things as probity and honesty, and yet who lends his name to the worst prevarications cooked up by the amphibio-pus sac, Dave Ellis, and who oversees a website that is nothing more than a pathetic collection of outright lies only made amusing by the unintentional comedic value of the amateur site.
Bennett has distinguished himself by challenging Fullerton water rate payers to find evidence of the hidden illegal 10% tax on their water bills. Of course they can’t find it. It’s hidden, jackass. It’s not on the water bill. And that’s why it’s illegal.
These are your nominees. There will be no winners, only losers. Until we have a Recall, that is.